Velvet cake
by Morbid1Curiosity
Summary: "How deep -does- the rabbit hole -goes-?" And will Blake survive once she hits the bottom.
1. Chapter 1

**Authors note:**

 **I warn you now, this is my attempt at writing a dark story. Content might include things like: Self harm, abuse, depression and sexual themes.**

 **Its based on my own experiences with depression. Both by myself, and people I call friends and family.**

 **This entire story is written in first person and from Blake's PoV.**

 **Now with warning out of the way: This is a sequel to "Pancake day"**

I felt numb. As I opened my eyes I could see that it was yet for any natural light to sneak into our room. I rolled onto my side to check the clock. Almost four. I rolled back to my back, observing the ceiling. I miss having dreamless nights. Just to go to sleep, and then wake up after a certain amount of hours. But that would not be the case for the past few nights. Nightmares.

The worst thing was, that I never would consider such dreams to be nightmares. At least if someone told me about them in the past. But now they haunted me. Lost possibilities I had in the past. Not far past, mind you. Things that happened but a month ago. Opportunities I decided not to take. People fear the grimm, but in the end its our own fears of everyday life that make the scariest nightmares.

You can stab a grim, slash it, smash it. You can set it on fire, freeze it. I'm afraid nothing like that could be done about my problems. I smiled to myself. Technically I could, but it wouldn't really solve anything. I tilted my head to the side. There she laid. My own grimm. Ruby. She was curled in a small ball around the lion plushy I won her that day. How I would love to be in the place of that lion.

My gaze then moved lower. Schnee heiress would sleep soundly, a small smile on her lips. She was happy. Why wouldn't she be. She had everything. Money, place in the future, motivations. Ruby. I let out a deep sigh and my gaze returned to the ceiling. I wasn't mad at her. I came to understand that. I came in peace with my emotions. With the fact that I could never be in her position.

I could get up and just wander around. I could read a book. But that would make them suspicious. That would make her suspicious. I found out I enjoy sleeping. As long as it was dreamless, dark void that would greet me each time I've fallen asleep. Its the dreams I hated. I couldn't dream, neither if awake or asleep. Dreams of both world would never come true, after all. Only nightmares.

They noticed. Yang started calling them catnaps. Weiss tried to convince me to perhaps change some of my diet or exercise, since that could be the reason for my sleeping problem. I said its normal for a faunus cats. I played the same dirty card with Ruby. The faunus card.

She approached me. She didn't assume anything. She couldn't. She was too perfect for that. She asked if something was wrong. If I had issues. I couldn't sleep at night. If I was hurt. All her worries made me so happy. But at the same time? It gave me that weird uncomfortable feeling. Like a thorn at my side. I brushed her off, making up a story about finally accepting them as my team and simply trusting them enough to lower my guard. And it was normal for a cat faunus to nap a lot in a spot they considered safe.

She believed. She did even more. She seemed fascinated. She asked me all those questions. Most of them would be so inappropriate to ask a faunus. But I knew she wasn't mocking me. And I knew that it was just her innocent curiosity that was speaking. I answered every one of them. And I never felt mad. I couldn't feel mad. I lied to her. But I had to. If she was ever to know the truth, it would make her small heart bleed. It would create a situation that she could not find a solution to. And I would spare her that pain.

That pain belonged to me. Some part of me, that little voice at the back of my head told me that I was once more running away. I was making illusions around myself. Maybe I did. But I thought of it as a fight. An endless fight that I hoped I could endure till the timer runs out. Running, or rather avoiding your enemy in such encounters was part of the tactic, was it not?

I let out a soft sigh and closed my eyes. I was exhausted. Just thinking about it made me so exhausted. I sometimes hoped that I could sleep forever. Never wake up. Be embraced by the void. But I knew that wouldn't happen. And then it came. The sweet slumber devoided of any dreams.

Loud noise woke me up. My ears twitched as I heard two people arguing. I opened my eyes and rolled to the side. It was Weiss and Ruby. Both seemed quite frustrated at whatever topic they were discussing.

"Weiss, its been a month. One day won't make a difference. And I'd simply like to celebrate it with you"

"Ruby, I appreciate your memory of our monthly anniversary. But exams are slowly creeping up at us. Its important that we take every opportunity to gain as much advantage as possible."

"Ugh fine! Lets make our next date a study session as well!" Ruby flailed her arms which was...quite Comical, at least for me. If I was in Weiss position I assume it wouldn't be as amusing as it was for me. Ruby stomped her feet and went to the door. Weiss reached out towards her but soon her arm slowly moved down. She didn't even bother to call after her. I heard a deep sigh as the white haired girl slouched a bit.

I slipped down and stretched, before placing a hand on top of the Heiress arm. The girl jumped a little, her body tensing as she felt my touch. Her head snapped towards me, her face having an angry frown painted on it. Yet when she saw me, her expression shifted, now simply looking tired.

"Rough morning?" I smiled softly, deciding to not immediately approach the issue at hand.

"Yes, it seems so. I apologize that we woke you up with our...disagreement." Weiss gave me a small apologetic smile. I shook my head and looked around, not spotting a certain someone, I turned my attention back to the Schnee. "Where's Yang?" It was quite suspicious for her to not be there in the morning. She didn't really belong to the morning bird category.

"She left saying something about coffee. I wasn't sure what she meant by that, as when asked she simply winked at me." The Heiress shrug. That was odd. Wake up early to get coffee was strange enough, but there could be some logical reasoning. But why be mysteriously vague about it.

"Hey, Weiss?" I decided to spare her any nicknames. She already had a lot on her mind. She looked up at me, waiting for me to continue. "I'll talk to Ruby, alright? And don't worry, I'm on your side on this. Exams are coming, and while Ruby is a smart girl, she could use some more discipline around specific periods in time."

I could see some relief in the Heiress eyes. "Its not that I don't want to celebrate with her. Its just that we could wait two days, have a free day and spend it properly together, instead of skipping classes and having to catch up. Its not like its some rule set in stone to celebrate things exactly one month after, right?" It was clear that Weiss was conflicted about it herself. She wasn't sure. What if Ruby was right? But I decided once more, to play the good guy in this little show and nodded. "I know, Weiss. I know. I'll talk to her. Now let me grab a quick shower and I'll see what I can do." I winked at her and she smiled. "Thanks Blake, You're a true friend for both me and Ruby."

As I moved towards the shower, I could feel my smile die quickly. I wanted to scream. I wanted to just fall onto my knees and scream. Raise my arms up and scream for any god, any divine entity. Scream if they exist. And if they exist, why are they tormenting me. But I pushed myself forward. I had a job to do. I had to fix Ruby's problem. My pain could wait. I was but a side character in this story, after all.

The shower didn't take me long. When I was back at our room, Weiss was already gone. But she wasn't the one I wanted to see now anyway. My next objective was to find Ruby before classes started. And fate was nice to me for once. As I heard a familiar voice let out an annoyed grunt.

I turned left, to the source of the voice, and saw Ruby sitting on a bench. Assuming I found her here, where not many people went through at this hour, she wanted to be alone. Or at least seeked some short lived solitude before classes.

"Someone's grumpy." I smiled as I approached her. She looked up and I saw the grimace she had for but a brief moment, before offering me a warm smile. It made me wonder, was it because of her current mood. Or was that grimace because of me? Or did she expect to see Weiss and hence the face she made.

"Hey Blake, just a little bit. Had some disagreement with Weiss." She explained, it was clear she was trying to brush it aside. With her tone of voice, and her waving a hand as if nothing happened. But Ruby was too pure to be a good liar. Even if I didn't wake up from their voices I would know something was up.

"Mmm...I Know, woke me up. Your little disagreement." I smirked, and I saw her mood drop immediately. I sat next to her and wrapped an arm around her. How I wanted to just hug her. To drag her closer and feel her body against mine. To wrap my arms around her. To kiss her.

"Sorry Blake. Its just that. Its important to celebrate things like this! Otherwise its going all to waste. They said that if a pair forgets about things like that, it'll all turn into a disaster sooner or later and..." 'They' ? I let her ramble on, but I didn't really listen. I heard her voice, but I was more curious what they were. Suddenly I couldn't hear her anymore. And I took a glance at her. She was just looking at the ground, her bangs covering her eyes as she sat there slumped.

"Ruby, what..."They" are you referring to?" I blinked, did she take some dating tips? Relationship tips? If so, from who.

"o-oh! Erm. Well, I kind of...well I kind of scrolled for some...for Some stuff. About relationships and dating." She blushed and smiled sheepishly, reaching to rub her own arm with her left hand. "And I found that site, it looked really smart. It had all those advices and those small numbers that were hotlinks to like, books. Like in the books we read, but better because selecting it made you go to them and they were all smart books about like, psychology and stuff." The more she spoke, the more excitement filled her voice. I was afraid if I let her go on too long, she'd explode at some point.

"You mean annotations?" I asked suddenly, stopping her rambling as she looked at me, confused what I was talking about. "The small numbers near some sentences or words. Annotations." Its like I could see through her silver eyes. And notice the thought process inside her brain. I smiled as something finally dinged inside her head. "Yeah! That's the thing." She nodded eagerly.

"Ruby, you know that there are no date rules or relationship rules. And even if there are, they don't always apply." I started softly, peeking at her. She seemed...troubled? Confused perhaps. Her gaze drifted away from me. I was already missing seeing those beautiful silver orbs. "I just...I Just don't want to screw up, Blake." I let out a sigh.

"Ruby, You know what's important in a relationship? Communication. Really, communication is the basic thing that helps in any kind of relationship. Both romantic or platonic. So lovers, dating, friends? Just...talking And being honest, is what matter." You're so full of shit, Belladona. "And just think about it. How much Weiss changed since you two started dating. How much she agreed to follow things your way. Or dust, how much she changed since she meet all of us and since we formed a team."

I saw her peer at me curiously. I smiled, I had her attention. I simply needed to do the finishing touch. "I'm not saying you're being pushy towards her. Its not that Ruby. But all you need to do, is talk. Not keep some tight rules about anniversaries and all that stuff. It has mostly symbolic meaning." I saw her nod her head, she furrowed her brow. I could stop at this, but I had to make sure she fully understood. "Besides, Weiss isn't trying to ignore your anniversary. She is just trying to make sure you don't have issues with passing your classes and exams later." And there it was again. Another groan from the young redhead. I let out a chuckle at that.

"Ugh, you're right Blake. I'm so stupid. I should just talk to Weiss. Not...not Research it." I wanted to answer her but I heard a familiar voice, which made me glance at that direction. It was Weiss, as she was about to turn around.

"O-Oh I didn't mean to interrupt you two. Please, carry on with your chat." She simply stated and was about to leave. I jumped a little and had to close my eyes as Ruby hoped into action, her semblance in play as she startled the white haired girl by appearing in front of her. "Weiss, please wait. I...I Mean. We need to talk. I'm sorry." I smiled. It was good that those two fixed their issues this early on. This saved us some awkward mood later in the cafeteria or in our room.

I stood up, interrupting their little exchange as I ruffled Ruby's hair. "Just remember not to get into too long make out session. Classes will start soon." I grinned down at them. It took both of them a moment before they realized what I just assumed. "B-Blake!" They yelled after me in unison. I barked out a laugh at that, leaving the two girls to their embarrassment and the talk they should have.

As I entered the cafeteria I felt exhausted. Even before the two started dating. Even before I found out I like Ruby that way. Even back then, it was exhausting to be so...social. And it became even more exhausting after that. I already wanted to go back to our room and sleep for the rest of the day. But I knew I couldn't. I got myself some tea, opted to skip any food. And simply sat there. I still haven't either seen or heard Yang. But right now I was happy about that. I don't think I could stomach her right now.

And then fate decided to do its part once more. The doors to cafeteria opened, and I saw team CFVY walk in together with Yang. Coco was having her arm around the bunny faunus, who seemed more then a little...perplexed. Yang was scanning the room, and once her eyes meet mine, she pointed in my direction. I let out a deep, tired sigh. I already knew I would regret this.

"Yo! Blakey, what you doing sitting all alone? Where's our white rose combo?" She grinned as the entire group approached me. I gave a shrug. "Sorting out their marriage issues I guess." I let out a smirk, trying to seem as casual as I normally would. Even if all I wanted was to curl up and sulk alone in my bed. I had to keep the illusion.

"Well, Velvet here had a business to you." I turned my attention to Coco and Velvet. The bunny girl seemed to want nothing more then what I had in my mind. Run away and hide somewhere. But the iron arm of the beret wearing girl kept her in place. "And we all came here to cheer her up on that but oh gosh look at the time." She didn't even pretend to make any pause between those two sentences. Subtle, really subtle Coco. "I guess we'll have to leave Velvet here alone with you. Oh and Yang uh, you should come with us for...stuff!" Both the Blond and the dark haired girl shared a grin, and the leader of team CFVY started to lead them out of the cafeteria the same way they came. At the last glance I saw Yatsuhashi send me an icey glare, only to take a more soft and warm glance at Velvet.

Speaking of hare, dust damn you Yang for your infectious puns, my attention turned towards her. She seemed to be frozen in place. Looking down at her own feet, her ears flopped forward as she fiddled with her school uniform. I let out a sigh. This was already starting to be a lovely day.

"So..." I started, which made her jump, she looked around quickly, then focused her gaze on me. She looked like she was about to cry. I just wanted to slam my head against the table. Or just stand up and leave. But I know why they dragged her here. It was obvious. And if I did any of those things, that would crush her bunny heart. My pain could wait. It always could wait.

"I know what'll help you. Come on." I stood up and took her hand. She was startled when I touched her, and while tense, she complied and followed me. I lead her outside of the cafeteria and behind it. There I let go of her hand and stood in front of her. I tried to put on as friendly smile as possible. While succeeding, my guts felt like I was about to throw up. But I endured it. I had to.

"Well, we're out of the public eye. So now you can tell me what business you had to me. Or was Coco lying and they just wanted to ditch you?" I had to provoke her to speak somehow. And this was the best idea I had. Which seemed to work. Her ears perked high up. An adorable gesture if I might add.

"N-No, no! They...I Mean. Coco just wanted to...to Help me. I guess." She started and looked at me. But once she saw my face, each of her word seemed more and more timid in nature. Till her ears deflated once more. I couldn't help but take notice of her heavy accent. It was...interesting, In a good way.

"Alright, so just ask." I wanted to put my hand on her arm to try and encourage her. But I knew it would just make her situation that much harder. My patience was running out. While I didn't want to hurt her in anyway, I was already getting tired of this. In any other day, her shy act would be endearing. But I wasn't in the mood.

"I...Would You. I mean. If that's okay that is. With me. Go out." She managed to mumble out. Her feet drawing circles on the ground as she kept her hands before her. Gazing at the circles her foot made.

"Are you asking me out on a date, Velvet?" I raised a brow. I know she wanted to do that. Deep down I knew it. But still, hearing it directly...kinda Surprised me.

"Y-Yes...if You like to? I...we Could go see a movie. Or eat something. Together." She looked up timidly. Although she had a small smile. Hope written all over her face. I felt sick. Now I really wanted to throw up. I could feel my throat get dry. I had to say no. I wasn't interested. I didn't want to. Not now. I could use less of an emotional rollercoaster.

"Velvet, of course I'll go out with you." My lips curved into a smile. Why did I agree. Why did I say yes. I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry. But instead I smiled. I observed as the other girls face shifted from a hopeful smile, to confusion, and finally to realization. She beamed me a warm, bright smile.

"Do you like books? Its fine if you don't. Trust me, I have three friends that don't. But I'm just curious." I suddenly asked. I had to stop her from smiling at me like that. It filled me with disgust. Not to this creature before me. But I was disgusted with myself. And it worked. Her expression became first confused, then curious. She nodded. "I don't mind reading. Although I am a bit...spastic You could say? My mood for different genres shift on a daily basis. So I often have a few books I read. Not at the same time! But I jump between them. It helps to have a good memory. Could say its photographic." She let out a giggle at that.

That sound filled me with such contempt. Contempt to myself. Why was I doing this. She didn't deserve it. A quick stab to her heart. By saying no. She would take a week or two to get better, and then she could go on with her life. But I decided to torment her. Why. Was it pity for her? Or was I seeking to make myself feel better.

"How about this. I'll convince my team to give us a room for the evening. I know Ruby and Weiss plan to go celebrate their one month anniversary. And Yang...I'll Just kick her out. And we'll have a book evening. Just you, me, some blanket and a good book. And maybe some tea. Your pick what book we'll go through. Although spare me mystery novels. Its not my type of books." I smiled as I explained. It was the least harm that could be done. It would be how I would usually spend my time anyway. Just...with Her.

Her lips formed into an "o" as she heard my proposition. Then she smiled brightly at me once more and nodded so quick it made her ears flop. "That sounds lovely! Its true what Yang said. You really are a romantic Blake. I can't wait." And then the bell rang, announcing that the classes started. "Alright, just come over to our place Saturday evening. I'd walk with you towards classes but I need to go somewhere before that. Nature's call and all that." I winked at her and started to quickly move towards the nearest toilet. I saw her blush at my words. I waved as I departed, to which she answered with another smile and a short wave.

Once I lost her out of my view I began to ran. I slammed myself into the nearest toilet and went to the stall at the very end. I pushed it open and collapsed to my knees. I threw up. It wasn't much. Some left over after yesterday and the tea from this morning. It smelled disgusting. I felt each wave come which left my throat burning with my stomach acid.

It continued for a few long moments. Even after I emptied my stomach completely, the motion still went on. And as it ended, tears dripped into the toilet bowl below me. I curled up next to it and began to sob. My mind was empty. No thoughts. No immediate reason to cry. To worry. I don't know how much time I spent just crying on the bathroom floor. And then darkness embraced me, as I slowly lost my consciousness.


	2. Chapter 2

I heard myself grunt as I slowly came back to my senses. I looked around. It didn't take me long to remember what happened. I managed to sit up and let out a deep sigh. I felt my scroll act up, and I took it out of my pocket to glance over it. I banged my head against the stalls wall as I saw what it was. Text message. I knew who it was. One of two people.

 _Ruby: Why aren't you at class? It started 20 min ago_

I mulled over to just ignore it. But then it would end up worse. She would inform the teacher that something happened. Or go out and search for me by herself. I wanted to be alone. I needed to be alone. My hands were shaking, but I managed to respond.

 _Blake: I felt sick, I threw up. Must be something I ate yesterday before bed. I'll grab a bottle of water and head to the room to rest._

I grimaced as I finally felt the taste in my mouth. Some water and mints. Or anything to kill this taste in my mouth. I collected myself off the ground. My legs were shaking, but I could walk. Every joint in my body was in pain. Who knew that the bathroom floor was not the best place to take a nap. I smirked at my own joke. But as I looked into the bathroom mirror, all I saw was a crooked smile.

I washed my face with some cold water. Twenty minutes. That means I had to lay there for fifteen to ten minutes. I had to move before the current class ends and I'll have to endure any kind of social interaction. I forced my legs to move. I went with my plan, going through the cafeteria to grab some water and something to kill this awful taste. I might want to die, but I'd rather not do it by dehydration.

I stumbled into the room I shared with my team. I looked at my bed and let out a sigh. Decision was made as I simply fallen onto Yangs bed. She won't mind. I curled up, not carring to undress or even take off my shoes. And the moment I closed my eyes, came the sweet darkness.

Ω

For some reason I decided to open my eyes. Time was a concept I didn't care to understand now. And when my vision cleared I saw it. An angel. Bangs of her dark hair would cover her eyes. Those silver eyes. She had wore a concerned expression on her face. Yet it didn't take away her beauty. I smiled. A smile that had to be a dreamy, goofy smile. Then I heard her voice.

"Blake? Are you awake? Are you feeling alright?" She spoke softly. Almost a whisper. And then my brain decided to ruin this moment. As I slowly came to my senses.

"Ruby?" I blinked a few times, raising myself up on an elbow. I looked around groggily. "What time is it?" I focused at the clock.

"Its lunch time, but I was worried. So I thought I'd bring you something to eat. Even if you aren't hungry. I know that having a sick stomach can be awful." I smiled softly. I decided to roll onto my back and stretch, enjoying the feeling.

"Thanks, Ruby. I'll be fine. What did you get me?" I inquired. I hoped she didn't bring me anything she would consider food for herself. While I might love this little red ball of energy, I wasn't in mood for sweets.

"Oh, well I thought that cookies would make you feel better..." Here it was. I let out a soft sigh.

I think Ruby noticed, because she quickly added. "B-But Weiss said that it would be better if I got you something else. She suggested tuna sandwich." She smiled sheepishly, pointing at the plate next to the clock. Its strange that I haven't noticed it laying there. The sound of that did make me hungry. Not eating anything, and doing quite the opposite of eating this morning, did work on my appetite. My stomach let out a loud growl, to which Ruby giggled. I rubed the back of my head. "Sorry, I'll lay for a bit and as you could hear, will most likely dig into the sandwich. Thanks." I did just that and laid back, closing my eyes.

"Are you sure you're alright Blake? Maybe some medicine or something would help?" The only thing that could help me, is unavailable to me. I wanted to say it so badly. To be honest with her this one time. To pour my hearts content. But I didn't. I couldn't. It would ruin her. My own pain could wait.

"Ruby, its just something I ate yesterday. Surely you had similar situations in the past hm? I'll be new as good at worst tomorrow. At best? This evening." I smiled at her, my eyes opening briefly to see if my words and fake smile did its job. She eyed me, concern still visible in her eyes. But she nodded.

"You're right. I'm not showing respect by treating you as if a small stomach bug could beat you. Thats not something a team leader should do." I rolled my eyes at that. There's no winning with her.

"No Ruby, you're concern over my health. Something I would do for you as well. Team leader or not, its what friends do. So thank you. Now go get yourself some food before Yang eats everything." That made her giggle lightly. But it was the best remedy for me. Her smile. Her laugh. If only I could have it for myself. But I couldn't. She belonged to someone else.

"Alright. Be sure to eat your sammich! And hope you feel better." She waved as she exited the room. I raised my hand in return. The same hand would soon collapse, and be used to try and find the bottle of water I got myself earlier.

My scroll vibrated once more. I assumed it was Yang, since who else would care to send me a message. Weiss? I doubt it. She sent Ruby here. Or rather Ruby worked as the concerned face of the pair. I let it slide open, and checked the message.

 _?: I heard from your team what happened. I hope you're not sick because of me. Yang gave me your contact – Velvet._

I let out a groan. I wanted to stab Yang so badly. I didn't need this. Not now. Wasn't it enough I had a date that I didn't want to have. Now I have a concerned love struck girl on my case. I threw the scroll onto the bed as I sat up. My new position helped me to find the bottle, and would further with eating my humble lunch.

Perhaps it was due to how hungry I was, but it was the most delicious tuna sandwich I ever had. If I wasn't in such a cynical mood, I'd say its because it had the concern of Ruby sprinkled all over it. But I knew that it was mostly my own hunger.

As I munched on my treat, I looked at the scroll laying next to me. I should send her a message. She'll think I'm ignoring her or I'm mad at her. Or whatever it is I would think if I was in her position.

 _Blake: Unless you poisoned my food yesterday. Did you think what book we'll enjoy this saturday?_

I knew how she felt. I was there not long ago. Its what began this madness I'm living in now. Her emotions and thoughts would spin around the topic of her fault and my issues. And I had to stop that. What better way than to bring up our date. To show that I remember and care, and perhaps can't wait for it. So full of shit you are, Belladona.

 _Velvet: I decided that I'll grab a few. I hope thats not a problem. Just a few options will make me feel less anxious about all this. Unless you want me to pick just one?_

I rolled my eyes at her message. But I understood. I would question my choices as well. I did when I went out with Ruby last month. But unlike this cute bunny, I did it internally. Its all about acting. About being fake. Fake confidence will still be confidence in the eyes of others.

 _Blake: As long as you won't drag the whole library here, I don't mind. While I would love the idea to have my dorm room in a library, I don't think my other teammates would approve of my dreams._

I felt myself smirk. Although I know it was the same crooked smile. My teammates indeed wouldn't approve of my dreams. My real dreams.

 _Velvet: hehe, I won't, promise. Glad you're feeling alright. Coco wants us to train after lunch break so I need to go. See you saturday!_

I felt disgusted with myself. Mostly because I could almost feel the giddyness that the rabbit faunus felt. The happiness. The joy of upcoming date with someone they found attracted to.

I had no idea why she decided to ask me out. We didn't really hang out that much. She was older. Maybe she knew I was a faunus? No, thats impossible. I trust my team. To be honest I didn't really care. Its what surprised me the most. I didn't care. I could always ask her. It could be one of the topics we could talk about while having our date.

I had to clear my head. If I keep going with that train of thought, I'll end up throwing up again. And It would be a shame for this sandwich to go to waste. I washed it down with a few gulps of the water, and decided to stand up. My legs were still weak. Although not shaky anymore. I took a deep breath and would hop up, climbing onto my bed. It took me a bit more then normally, but I managed to claim to my rightful place. My safe space.

I kicked my boots off and decided to curl up in my bed. And then it came again. Darkness. And with it, the rare feeling of peace.

Ω

I woke up in the evening. I had to ensure everyone that I was alright. I could enjoy a shower, and read a few pages of a book I borrowed a week ago from the library. After that came more sleep.

The next day would be just as I promised to Ruby. I was good as new. Or at least I acted that way. I still felt sick whenever I thought about my date with Velvet. I didn't even think about what to do about that girl. I decided that plans are pointless. Fate proved that whatever it is I want, never happens. Unless its a handy tool to torment me some more. Friday went on quickly. Breakfast, classes, lunch, some light training. I excused myself from most of the excercise that Ruby prepared for us that day. I shielded myself with my yesterday accident. She understood. And for the first time in a long time, I didn't lie.

Ω

"Yang." I would hang my head from my bed to peer at the blond girl.

"Whats up?" She grinned and I rolled my eyes.

"Since you helped Coco with dragin Velvet to ask me on a date, I'm afraid you'll have to disappear tomorrow evening." I announced. I didn't ask her. Asking, meant you gave options. Stating something was a much better way of handling things like this.

"Hey now, no need to threaten Me all mafia style, Blakey. I just wanted to help! And now you're saying I'll end up with the fishies." She gave me a sad pout. I growled in annoyance.

"No, Yang. I am simply asking you to free the room for one evening. I want to have my date in this room. I had something prepared for that evening." I squinted my eyes, I knew what was coming. But there was no going around it.

"Whoa, I don't think playing naked twister is a good way to have your first date, Blake." Yang made a surprised face. I had to close my eyes and count to ten. Although I couldn't help but feel my cheeks grow hot at her stupid assumption. I knew She would say that. Yet still it had its effect on me.

"No, Yang, if anything we'll have a nerdy evening with a book and some tea." I slowly explained. I saw her face go from confusion, to a smile. I expected her to grin or smirk or anything. But no, instead she gave me a genuine smile.

"Neat, sure! I'll ask Nora if they can take in a stray, lonely team member kicked out of her dorm."

"Mhm, as long as you don't ruin it. You would need to bear with the sight of sad Velvet." I explained as I moved back to my bed properly.

"I thought she's a bunny faunus, not a bear one." That was the final straw. I let out a frustrated howl into my pillow. I'm sure she heard me. Yet she ignored it, and would bring something else up. Something I never actually considered myself.

" You know? Thats...dust, just imagining that is kinda depressing on its own. Sad Velvet. Something that could fight with my sisters puppy eyes." Yang was right. The thought of seeing Velvet sad was quite depressing. I clenched my jaw at that. It didn't make it any easier on me, this image in my head.

"Where's Ruby and Weiss?" I asked trying to change the topic. I had to clear things out with them as well anyway.

"Library. Ruby actually asked Weiss to help her with some issue she had with one of her class. And you know its an issue if Ruby actually asked her for help." True, not that Ruby was afraid to admint to a failure. But it did mean that Weiss would go out of her way to make sure the redhead would have her issue fixed. And from what I saw, Weiss is quite the ... firm tutor.

I looked betwen the book I was about to open, and the door. I sighed and decided it would be better to find them. Less Yang teasing means more sanity for her future puns. I sliped off my bed and stretched. "I'll go see if I can find them. Send me a message if they come back and I somehow missed them, alright?"

"Sure thing Blakey, and remember to take pictures if you catch them kissing or doing something cute! Dad would love to see those." I felt a shiver ran up my spine as I saw the devilish smirk on Yangs face.

"R-Right, I'll do that." I won't. I moved to leave the room, wondering if I really wanted to find the pair, or was I simply making an excuse to take a walk. Finally I decided to at least head towards the library. If I'll see them being busy with books and what not, I'll just continue with my walk idea.

"Hey, Blake." I heard someone call my name. A guys voice. I turned around and I saw him. Mountain of a man. I looked up at him.

"You're Yatsuhashi, right?" I asked, I wasn't really sure. I know the other one was Fox. Much simpler name to remember.

"That is correct." He nodded and just looked at me. I did the same, and we simply stared at each other. Both of our faces expressionless. He was testing my will, and I wouldn't let him have his way with me. After a moment he simply continued, as if nothing. "I don't want to act like an older brother. So I'll ask as her friend. Please don't hurt Velvet." He paused and looked away for a moment, before his gaze went back at me. "Or ... if there's no other way, at least be as gentle as possible." I felt my insides rebel. I wanted to throw up again. But I kept my ground. I simply nodded.

"I agreed to go out with her. We'll see where things go from there. Promise I won't treat her feelings like trash. If anything, I wish to at least be her friend." I wasn't sure if I was trying to convince him, or myself. I really didn't want to treat Velvets feelings like trash. But I already did. I agreed to go out with her, while having completly zero interest in her. I convinced at least one of us, as he seemed to be pleased with my response. I saw him smile

"Thank you Blake, have a good night."

"You too." I paused and called after him. "And tell Velvet I wish her a good night too." He would stop for a moment, before giving me a thumbs up over his shoulder. I smiled at the gesture.

"Hey Blake, what was that about?" It was Ruby this time. I turned around to see both her and Weiss, standing there. Holding hands. Sight that always pained me. But I smiled. My pain could wait, afteral.

"Yatsuhashi being for Velvet, what Yang is to you, Ruby." I explained, which made both the girls giggle. I decided to cut straight to the bussines I had to the two. The less I saw them together as such, the better. "Hey you two, speaking of Velvet. You're having your...anniversary tomorrow, right? Would you mind staying out of our room for the evening? I kinda wanted to have a book date with Velvet." I rubbed my neck and gave a sheepish smile. I hoped that the lack of red on my cheeks wouldn't sell me out. The only thing i couldn't fake, nor control.

"Huh? Oh! Of course. I think?" Ruby looked at Weiss, who nodded in approval.

"I think its a lovely idea. Velvet, from what i gathered, is quite a timid girl. It was very thoughtful of you to make your first date in a save space for her. And to make it unique and special." Weiss smiled at me. I wish I could have a smile like that. I wish I was in her boots. I shook my head to get those thoughts out of my mind. I couldn't break. Not here, and not before them.

"Please, you're giving me too much credit. I just hope she won't think of me as boring." It would be a dream come true if she decided I was boring. Or not interesting and she would want to be just friends. But dreams never come true. Not for me, at least.

"You're being way to modest, Blake. Afterall, reading all those romance books most likely gave you some advantage, no? At least some ideas." I clenched my fists at that. And took a deep breath to relax. I can't break. Not now.

"Maybe a little." I admited. "Anyway, I'll take a short walk to clear my mind before bed. Oh and tell Yang we meet. So she won't spam me with messages."

"Alright! Don't stay out too long. Your body might still be weakened from being sick, and you'll catch a cold or..." I saw Weiss put a hand over Ruby's mouth, giving her a weird look, before smiling at me. "Have a nice walk, Blake." I hated her. She gave me all the reasons to like her. To not hate her. She tried to be my friend. No, she was my friend. And it just made me hate myself so much more each time I had a foul thought about her.

My feet carried me towards teams CFVY room. I heard some talks coming from behind it. But I had no intent on knocking.

How I wished I could just reprogram my brain to love Velvet. To offer her my feelings. To be giddy and happy about her, as she is about me. But...maybe I could? Or try at least. Maybe I'll be able to fake my love for her to the point of even convincing myself?

I could t ry. What bad could happen? I already toyed with her feelings by agreeing to the date. At least I could give her a few sweet moments. And if it would be too much at some point for me to handle, I simply would do what I did to all my friends. I would lie. Give her some fake reasons why I think it won't work out in the end. Ask to stay friends. She'll most likely be sad after that. But its the only way I can salvage this situation.

I let out a soft sigh and continued with my walk. I had a smile. Or was it just the crooked smile I lately adapted to use. I felt happy. I wasn't overjoyed. But for once I had some kind of solution. Some kind of plan to fix something in my life.

Yet my solution would bring pain to someone. And perhaps that was the reason I felt tears slowly trail down along my cheeks.

 **Authors note:**

 **Just a short note, question and a request. If you find out any grammar error or things like that? I would really appriciate if you could point them out to me. I'm trying my best to catch as many of those as I can. But sadly english is my second language, and I can do only so much. And I really wish to improve on my writing.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Authors note:**

 **I feel a bit bad, since this chapter seems so...short. At least compared to everything I posted previously, not including the epilogue of Pancake day. But I didn't feel right about adding things. Also I'm looking into the possibility of a beta reader. Although since I'm not quite sure how it works. I'll be sure to figure something out.**

 **Anyway, enjoy the story!**

Now to re-check everything. I got a few soft, warm blankets. And I made sure to clean my sheets I made sure everyone cleaned their sheets. I got a big pot like thermos with tea. Two cups. And all the pillows from this room. Which makes four. All these math classes are proving useful now. I nodded to myself. Yesterday I decided to try and make this work. Even if for a little while. For Velvet sake. Knocking brought me back to Remnant. And it was Yang that went over to open the door.

"Hey Velvet! Yeah, she's here. Been preparing your love nest for a while now." I rolled my eyes. "Come on in! And have a great night. Blake told me she'd stab me if I was around here for longer then neccesary! Oh and Blake remember don't do anything i would do!" The door slammed, and I watched the pillow I threw at it bounce harmlessly and land on the ground. I grunted, as I overplayed my annoyance.

It worked, the bunny faunus would let out a giggle, as a soft pink hue was on her cheeks. She stood near the doors in her usuall timid position. I hoped off the bed to greet her. I decided to take both her hands and try to look her in the eyes. She raised her head slightly, and offered me a warm smile once our eyes meet. I did the same in return

"Hey Velvet, I'm happy to see you. And sorry about Yang." I gave her hands a soft squeeze, and I felt her do the same. I could feel her hands getting sweaty. She was nervous. It was normal. I would be if I had to prepare a date for Ruby. I clenched my teeth for but a brief moment, thanking dust she decided to answer and take my mind of Ruby.

"Hello, and don't worry. I know Yang is simply doing so in jest." Her ears perked as she let go of my hands. She reached towards the bag she had with her. "Oh, right. I brought the books as you asked me to." She took out three books. One seemed like a romance. Something about a fictional race of monsters and a certain time of day as its title. The second was a science fiction book. These books always had weird or outright silly titles, yet their content could grab attention. Still I had to wonder. Book with an octopus flying to the moon in the title. What would that be about. If I knew anything, it wasn't about an octopus that would fly to the moon.

"This should be good." I decided as I took the third book. It was one I already read. Multiple times before. And it was the same book they made a movie about. The same movie I saw with Ruby a month ago. I thought that it was ironic enough to work. Ironic, was it ironic? I never truly grasped when its appropriate to use that word. I wonder if Weiss would know.

"Oh its something I wanted to read for a while, but with the exams up ahead and everything. I never was interested in this author. But after seeing the movie, and hearing that the book is way better, I just had to." She explained herself as she looked at the book. Her gaze then looked up at me. I let out a soft giggle, to which she blushed. "H-Have I said something funny?" I knew that if I didn't explain myself quickly enough, I'd make her worry. I shook my head.

"No, no. I read that book a few times even before the movie was announced. So I'll gladly share this adventure with you. Come on." I moved towards my bed. Velvet looked at up at the upper bed.

"So its true what Yang said. You really do have a bunk bed...I-Is it safe? It looks..." She paused. She didn't want to say anything offensive. So I decided to help her out.

"Makeshift?" I asked, to which she giggled and nodded.

"I trust that its safe and won't collapse?" I shook my head.

"Don't worry. We'll settle on the ground." I said as I took the blankets from my bed and placed them on the ground. A thick layer of three blanekts under our butts, with an extra one in case we would get cold. I nodded to myself. Then I placed two pillows against Yangs bed, and two on top of it, just behind the places we would sit. I took a peek at Velvet, which was quite fascinated by Ruby's bed. Or more amazed that anyone would be brave enough to sleep in such contraption.

"Done." I announced, which shook her out of her thoughts. She smiled as I presented to her the spot. Now that I thought about it, it was quite...lame? A few blankets, tea and a book. Maybe she will get tired of me. Decide I'm just a boring nobody and asks to be friends.

Yet for some reason that felt...disappointing. Did I want to play along for a little longer? Was that it? I shrugged and as she sat down, I poured some of the tea. It was still hot enough that we would need to wait a few moments before being able to drink it. Which was good. I hated cold tea.

"You really did make preparations." Velvet's voice had a hint of...amazement? Or was she amused. I wasn't sure.

"Just some tea if we get thirsty and some solution for lack of any other furniture." I shrugged as I placed the cup in a safe distance from both our sitting positions, but close enough that either of us could reach their own.

"I really appriciate it Blake. I always heard that people went on dates to see movies, or restaurants. And that would be alright as well. But...but you wanted to do something more...interactive." She smiled. That dreamy smile. Instead of worrying if she thought I was lame. I should worry that she thinks I actually care more then I do. I felt my stomach twist and my throat go dry. I cleared my throat before I decided to speak.

"I know its quite...rude to ask that, Velvet. But...Why me?" I tilted my head. I wasn't sure if I really cared. But I wanted to hear what she'll tell me.

"I...well. I'm not sure. I mean. I know now. Kinda. But at first it were your eyes." I saw her look away, red tainting her cheeks. "And I just...took a peek here and there." It was a strange dosage of information. At one hand, it was...enough? I thought so at least. My eyes. Did she really like my eyes? I guess I know how that feels. Ruby...no, Belladona. Stop that. I shook my head. I could thank heavens that at that point Velvet asked her own question.

"Um...w-why did...did you agree?" If only I knew. Or should I go with my second realization, and tell you that I pitied you and decided to play along. To toy with your feelings. To be the master of your heart. To decide when it'll crumble with despair and sorrow.

"You're a cute girl. And you like books. Which means we have a common ground to work ourself from this point on." I smiled. I could see her blush some more. But then she frowned. I tilted my head, waiting for what would come off that frown.

"Does that mean...if I didn't like books, you would say no?" She inquired. And I gave an honest shrug.

"I'm not sure. It would limit interaction betwen us, wouldn't it?" She looked at me for a moment, before giving a nod. We looked at each other. Now that I knew she enjoyed the sight of my eyes, I at least had something to offer her. I just hoped she wouldn't find all the demons that would dwell inside my soul. Weren't eyes mirrors of ones soul?

"So, the book, hm?" I offered to which she gasped and nodded, as in completly forgetting the purpose of her coming into our room at all. We opened it, and I decided to let her start, as we read out to each other the content of the book.

Ω

We spent a few hours just reading the book out loud. Sharing some tea and ocassional small talk. It was...nice. Pleasent. To have a reading buddy. I was in the middle of reading, when I felt something gently hit my shoulder. I stoped and closed my eyes. A small smile on my lips. I slowly tilted my head to see if what I assumed was true.

Velvet's head would rest against my shoulder. Her eyes closed as her breathing was slow. Her face had a small smile. And once more I had a moment of happiness. Maybe this Velvet dating thing wouldn't be that bad. I leaned and would nuzzle against her hair, minding her sensitive ears. She let out a happy little murmur.

Since I couldn't really do anything without waking Velvet up, I decided to close the book, sticking a finger inside to bookmark where we ended, and would gently rest my head against the other girls. I closed my eyes.

Sadly, my happiness didn't last long. There was no void to greet me. No embrace of darkness. But nightmares. Of failure, of lost opportunities. Of broken hearts.

Ω

"Aww, look at you two." I heard a voice. And who else but Yang. What a lovely way to wake up.

"Hey Yang." I yawned and opened my eyes, raising my head just in time, as Velvet did the same. I looked at her, as the blond girl was standing there with the biggest grin I ever seen her wear. Seriously, if I saw a picture I would assume it was modified via some graphical program or what not.

"H-Hello Yang. I apologize. I assume I overwelcomed my stay." I felt the bunny faunus stand up and bow in apology. Yang raised her hands and shook her hands.

"No, no. Don't apologize. Its just that our friends had their night time, so I decided to come back. I thought you two would be reading not...taking a catnap." Yang grinned, and I sent her a glare. Velver, afterall, didn't knew. Yet. And I would rather tell her myself, then make it slip accidently.

Yang wanted to say something, when the door opened. Ruby and Weiss entering the room as they yawned. "Oh hey Velvet." "Hello, Velvet." They said one after another.

"Hello, Ruby, Weiss. I was about to head to my room." I hoped up, stretching.

"I'll walk you to you there." Velvet opened her mouth as if to protest, but would simply smile and nod. I wraped an arm around her shoulder and would lead her through the small crowd that started to create inside our room. Yang was still grinning, while the other two simply smiled at me and the bunny faunus.

Once outside I took a deep breath. We walked in silence. A comfortable silence. Velvet was walking close to me, and I kept my arm around her through the entire, although short, walk.

Finally we stopped before her room, and she turned my way. "Blake." She started as she looked up. Once I looked into her eyes she paused. A small smile forming on her lips as she continued. "I know that if anyone would hear about a date that consisted of tea and reading a book, they would claim that it was the most lame thing ever. But!" She quickly continued, most lkely afraid I'd get offended or sad. And it pained me that I didn't really care.

"But I had lovely time. It really was one of the more...magical moments in a long while. So thank you." She leaned forward. I knew what was to happen. And I knew I should have stopped it. It would only make her go deeper into her little romance idea of her and me being together.

So I leaned forward, and would meet her halfway there. Our lips connected. She would step closer, and my arms would wrap themselfs around her. One around her waist and the other a bit higher at her back. I could feel her own arms do the same around my neck.

I felt her soft lips brush against mine. My hand would slowly rub itself against her back as we shared this. A kiss. It felt...weird. It didn't feel like when Ruby kissed my cheek. Magical. But it still felt...fullfiling. I could feel her warm body pressed against mine. And her soft lips. Heat was almost radiating off her cheeks, as her ears were flopped at each side of her head. I felt something grow inside me. In this weird, carnal way. I wanted more. But I couldn't. Not now. Perhaps later.

Time suddenly froze, as my brain caught up with the thoughts that filled my mind. My carnal desires that darkened my heart. I couldn't comprehend what was going on. This was wrong. This was bad. I was using this girl. This sweet innocent girl. I didn't care about her feelings to me. Yet I was playing along. I was using her for my pleasure. I felt sick.

She would part from the kiss, biting her lower lip as her cheeks were crimson red. I averted my gaze. I couldn't blush, but at least I could act timid as well. I felt her wanting to move away, so I released her from my arms.

"Thank you for the date Blake. Have a good night." She said before sliping into her room. I stood there. Frozen in place. I could feel tears breaking through. I was a monster. Far more horrible, far more disgusting then any grimm. I raised my hand to look at it. To see if perhaps I wouldn't turn into one of those beasts. It was when I saw a tear splash over my palm that I lost control.

I began to run. Not towards my room. But somewhere. Anywhere. I had to run. From myself. I had to try escape the monster that was inside me. It was dark, but I didn't care. I could see perfectly fine in the dark. I ran till I couldn't anymore. Not because I got tired. But because it caught me. The monster inside me. It got me. The monster inside. It caught up with me. As I collapsed onto the ground.

I didn't know where I was. I didn't care. The world was spinning around me. I couldn't hear anything. My heart was beating like crazy, and all I could hear with my ears was just that. The thumping on my heart. My dark, twisted heart. Kneeling I could see my tears hit the ground. I watched as each droplet hit the ground. My teeth clenched, as I tried to stop the inevitable. And then fate decided to play its card.

I felt my scroll vibrate. I didn't know how or when, but soon I found it in my hands. They were shaking. I opened it, and read the message.

 _Yang: How long will that good night kiss long huh? We're waiting for you to go to sleep._

I took a deep breath in. I wanted to scream. I tried. I really did. But my body rebelled. I tried once again and again. I wanted to scream. I wanted for my vocal cords to just burst. I wanted for everyone to know my pain. My suffering. I wanted for them to know what monster I was.

Yet no sound would come. Only sobs and whimpers escaped me. I was exhausted. My arms began to shake and soon give out on me. With my last strength i managed to curl up as I huged my knees. I felt numb. From my body, to my mind. I felt numb. But I knew the demon inside me wouldn't let me fall asleep here. I knew they would find out. Start asking questions.

I was simply laying there, for dust knows how long. My sobbing soon turned to soft whimpers. And my mind turned hollow to any thoughts or emotions. But in comparison it felt like such a blissful state. I pushed myself up. I had to take care of myself before going to our room.

And as I stumbled through the hallways of the academy, I remembered all the times I encountered obstacles in my life. And how I ran away. And then it occured to me. How does one run away from themself?


	4. Chapter 4

Sunday would greet me with two things. Waking up from a nightmare and rain hitting against our window. Perfectly good day to be depressed. I tilted my head to the side to check the clock. It was fifteen minutes till the time we'd normally get up for classes. If it wasn't sunday. Still, I decided I could always blame it on my biological clock simply forcing me now to get up at a specific hour.

Being first in the shower, for once, was also a good motivator to get up. I tried to be as quiet as possible, yet I heard a few groans of annoyance. I didn't care, nor did I wait for them to fully wake up. I'd appriciate a little solitutde this morning.

And then it happened.

While undressing, I usually wrap the little pendant Ruby got me around my hand. To not accidently drop it or destroy the chain. Yet, as I was taking of my blouse, I accidently had to cut my self while having it wraped around my hand. Not that the miniature katana blade was sharp. But it was of...lets say not the best quality. As such it had all those tiny bumps and such. It had to be one of those that I accidently had to let brush over my forearm.

I could feel a tiny sting, as I did so. I cursed under my breath. Great start of the day. I was about to judge the damage, when the tiny droplet of blood start to wander along my forearm. I felt...mesmerized. For whatever reason, I felt hypnotized by it. The sight of a single droplet of blood, simply going along my skin.

I felt myself hitting the wall behind me, as I slowly slided along it into a sitting position. I rested my head against my other arm, as I watched the small cut I made.

Then taking the pendant's tiny blade I gently placed it against my skin. Next to the cut. I looked at it. Deciding if I should. Just this once. As punishment for yesterday. The pain did feel weirdly refreshing. And my mind muted it mostly due to the shock of it happening. But this. Here? I could control it. No shock would mute the feeling. No...

I threw the pendant against the wall in front of me. Leaning my head forward, resting it against my hands. I clenched my teeth. How much do I need to suffer. Can't I find happiness. Can't I find joy in life. Is this it from now on. My hands moved to brush against my hair. And I grabed it. Pulling at it to feel the pain. To silence my heart. My mind. To silence it all.

It took me a moment before I would give up on that. My jaw relaxed, and I felt my legs slide further along the floor. I let go of my hair. I breathed heavily. I was exhausted. Yet I was barely into the day. And already I just wanted to curl up and sleep.

I felt numb. I looked at the small wound, and the drying blood. I raised it and would lick along the wound. I could feel the metalic taste on my tongue. I closed my eyes. But I couldn't fall asleep. They would find me. They would ask question. Grow worried. They would start observing me more closely. They would find out.

I slowly got up. My legs were shaking still. I managed to stumble under the shower. Cold showers became something I got used to. And once done I decided to go to the cafeteria. But not before I remembered about something. As I leaned down to take the pendant that Ruby offered me that day. I put it around my neck, as a reminder to myself. A reminder of my misery.

Ω

I enjoyed tea. How it warmed my body with each and every sip. How the texture washed over my lips each time I raised the cup. And the taste. The sour taste it left on my tongue. It was my little mantra each and every morning. To repeat those words. To focus on the beverage and nothing else. For just a moment, to find some enjoyment in life.

I looked around the room. It was so strange to sit here alone. Most people were still sleeping, since why would they be up so early at sunday.

And then she walked in. I looked at her and how she moved as if she wanted to sneak in. Carefuly closing the doors behind her, and looking around. Our eyes meet, and she was shocked to see anyone this early. But then realizing that it was me, she smiled and waved to me. I gave her a tired smile. I could always excuse myself by still being sleepy.

She would grab her own drink, an apple and head my way. I groaned. There goes my solitude for this morning. And out of all people, her. I'd rather listen to Jaune in one of his pointless stories or Nora and her dreams. I wanted to just slam my head against the table. But instead I smiled.

"Blake, I didn't know anyone would be up so early at sunday. Unless they had a reason... Did you had a reason?" Her ears perked up as she sat next to me, her face now expressing concern. I could play one of two cards. And I decided to play the risky one, but one that would be more effective if it worked.

I would rub my neck and look away, fidgeting at my spot. I cleared my throat. "I...well. I kinda heard you're an early bird, Velvet. So I thought that...after yesterday I wouldn't really mind meeting up with you. I hope you don't mind." I glanced at her from the side. I saw her blush at first, but her face would slowly get covered with a big smile. She pounced me as she gave me a hug. I hate morning people.

"Thats so sweet of you, Blake. S-So does that mean you...enjoyed our date?" She moved her arms away, but still sat close enough that i could feel her body next to mine. I gave a nod.

"It was something I always wanted to do, you know. Have someone to share my enjoyment of books and reading." I now turned fully her way and looked her in the eyes. I abused the fact that for whatever reason she enjoyed the sight of mine. And my words, together with that simple gesture, made her melt. I felt her lean against me and as I took a tiny glance I noticed she has closed her eyes. And then she nuzzled against me.

"Velvet?" I asked. And she would open her eyes to peer up at me. It occured to her what she was doing, as she shoot up to sit straight.

"I'm sorry its just...just a thing a faunus does w-when they like someone." She explained as her cheeks became red. Right, she didn't knew. Maybe it was a good time to show her. But not yet. I still had my tea. And I'd rather finish it before moving on with my day.

"S-So um, since you enjoyed it. How about next saturday?" I reached for my cup as I peered at her. I allowed for the liquid to fill my mouth, before pushing it down my throat. She just looked back at me, expecting some kind of reaction.

"Another date?" She nodded quickly. "Yea...no." I quickly fixed myself. And I saw her ears slowly move down. It pained my heart to see the joy slowly leave her face. So I brought an arm around her shoulder and pulled her towards me. "Not because I don't want to, but because I can't. Ruby decided that we should have a movie night from time to time. A team movie night that is. To help us integrate and all. But I think its mostly so she has a reason to go see movies and for Weiss to not tell her she's a lazy bum."

I heard Velvet giggle at that, and it made me smile. I managed to fix her mood. "But we could hang out sunday after that. I mean if you're free that day, since we can't have saturday for ourselfs. And ff we won't find a quiet place for a book, we could always do something else." I offered, her lips formed a little "o" as she considered my offer. Was it so strange I simply wanted to spend time with her and not call it a date?

"That sounds like a lovely idea Blake. You um...seem to have alot of expirience in this sort of thing. I would never think...I mean, just. You always seemed like a quiet type is all." I raised a brow at that. When it finally hit me what she was trying to say, I wanted to laugh. Just rolling on the ground laughter. But that would be weird. And rude.

"Mmm? In dating? Nah. Just read way too many romance novels." I rubbed my neck and gave a shrug.

"Oh I see. I...well, its just that you're doing such a good job at it. You always know what to say or do whenever I grow worried and...everything." She blushed. Still having my arm around her, I rubbed her shoulder with my hand. It was strange. How I simply could imagine to be in her position, while trying to impress and date Ruby. And since I knew what Velvet would think or feel, I could simply act upon it. I wasn't really blocked by my emotions. Since I ...didn't really care. It was such a cynical thing to do. Blake Belladona, the woman who discovered love pattern.

"I'm simply trying my best for you, Velvet. After all, you had the courage to ask me out. So now its my turn to make you not regert that decission." You're so full of shit, Belladona. Like always.

"O-oh, s-stop it, Blake." She shook her head, her entire face red. "Y-You're simply doing it again. Knowing what to say." She would make the sweetest pouty face I ever saw and cross her arms. Yet her head would rest against my shoulder. I smiled at that. I liked this playful side of her.

"I'm such a horrible person, aren't I?" We shared a short laugh, and decided to continue our breakfast in silence. She enjoyed her fruits, while I decided to grab a quick sandwich. I guess she put me in good enough mood for me to push something down my throat this morning. Who knew this would bring anything good. Even if its just a tiny glimpse of appetite.

People slowly appeared in the cafeteria. Yet nobody from our team would show up yet. I took it as a sign and peeked at Velvet. She was quick to notice I was looking at her and she stoped her munching as she smiled at me. "Yes, Blake?"

"Its gonna sound weird, to say it like this all of a sudden. But, I need to tell you something. Or rather show you." And suddenly she did something I would not expect. Her eyes would grow big, and she gasped.

"S-So its true?" She asked. Her voice was...I couldn't put my finger on it. Surpised? But mixed with a feeling I couldn't name. More importantly, did she know? Was there a rumor about me being a faunus. I bit my cheek inside my mouth.

"You're...a guy?" It took me a moment to realize what she just said. And once the realization came...it came like a truck. As if hit I lost my blanace and would fall off my sit, hitting my back against the ground, groaning in pain.

"Eep! Blake! Are you alright?" She hoped off and would crouch next to me.

"What?!" I couldn't help but yell out. Me? A guy? Was it a rumor that was flying around. Blake Belladona, a transexual man. Or woman. What was the proper term to that anyway.

Velvet would rub her arms, other people looking at as in surprise. Once more I got attention of the masses. If not Ruby, it had to be Velvet. I shook my head as I got up, the bunny fuanus followed from her previous crouching position.

"I'm...ugh. I'll show you." I saw her once more make wide eyes and blush. And I could feel my own cheeks burn as well. "N-Not that I'm a girl. I mean I am, but I don't want to show you that. J-Just come on." I took her hand and would lead her. She didn't protest and we would exit the cafeteria.

Ω

We ended up in some corner with lots of plants that were behind the buildings. Your typical place where you'd hide if you wanted some privacey around a place like this. Once there I stood in front of her. First I had to settle some...things.

"Velvet, who told you I...might be a guy in disguise?" I frowned as I focused my gaze on her face. She was clearly nervous, blushing and fidgeting with her school uniform.

"F-Fox...I mean. He didn't tell me. But he kinda...talked as if there was possibility and..."

"And you belived him." I facepalmed. This girl, this girl will be the end of me.

"I...well, kinda. I didn't. But then you suddenly wanted to tell me something and...and I thought that it was it." She would smile sheepishly up at me. "S-Sorry Blake."

I shook my head. "Its...alright. I just wasn't expecting something like that." I smirked. "So are you disappointed I'm not a femine boy? Does that mean our plans for future are canceled because you expected me to...you know." I waggled my eyebrows at her. Who knew that one day I would claim that Yang rubbing off on me would be a good thing.

I saw as her pupils shrank in terror. Her face turned red and it began. The stuttering avalanch of excuses. "N-No! I like girls. I mean not all girls. But you're a girl. And I like you, and you're a girl so I like you, but even if I guess I wouldn't mind b-but not that its something I want and..." I couldn't help but just laugh. And do so loudly as I took a step back, leaning forward to rest my hands against my thighs. I know it would make her either upset or angry. But I couldn't help myself.

"B-Blake! Ugh...s-so mean." I heard through my laughter, and I looked up at her. There it was again. That sweet pout, and her arms crossed as she looked away. Yet her face was still completly red. I brushed a tear from my eyes. Who knew I'd have any tears left for laughter.

"I'm sorry." I stepped closer to her. And by that I mean I really stepped closer to her. Entraping her betwen myself and the wall behind her. Her pouty expression was replaced with...something. She bit her lower lips and her eyes moved to the side. "You're just so cute when you're frustrated." I simply said.

I made a mistake. I lowered by guard. And now I could feel the beast from yesterday off its chain. I reached with one of my hands to gently place two fingers against her chin to raise it up. We looked into each other eyes as I leaned in to kiss her. Because of the wall, she had nowhere to run.

Our lips connected, and I could feel her shiver. I would seek out her hands and grab each of them into one of my own. I raised our arms and pinned her hands against the wall. I was as close as I could while maintaining the kiss. I tilted my head to the side some more. My tongue would seek access into her mouth. And that access was granted, as she gently parted her lips.

I invaded her mouth, my tongue would quickly intertwine with hers. I could hear her let out a soft moan. I know this was bad. We barely knew each other. We had one date. But it felt good. It numbed the emptiness I felt everyday. And just that made me feel great. It wasn't good on its own, but it took away the pain. And I was greatful for that.

It didn't take long before our roles were set. I slowly took the lead, dominating the timid girl, as I pushed more force into the kiss. I could feel her tremble, but she didn't fight back. She accepted her role. She submited to my dominance. And it felt good. Soon we needed to breath, and I decided to break the kiss. Our lips close to one another, as we panted heavily.

The burden of what I just did finally settling on my heart. On my mind. I laid a single peck against her lips as I moved a small step away, letting go of her hands. I did it again. I used her. Great job, Belladona.

I rubbed the back of my head. "I um...I didn't bring you here for that. Although I...I hope you're not mad? I mean it...just felt right. To do it. I'm sorry if you didn't want it...or like it." I apologized. Just for the kiss. Not for the fact I was a sickening monster. Not for the fact that I did it only to fill the empty void in my heart. Not because I wanted more, and only for my own selfish desire.

"o-oh n-no, no! Please, Blake. It...um. It was lovely. I was a bit surprised, its...its all." She let out a soft giggle, rubbing her arms as her face once more got entirely red. Ears flopped to the side. Adorable. Ears, thats right. I suddenly start to speak, surprising her a bit with the change of my tone.

"I wanted to show you something. But before, promise me you won't tell anyone. Not even your team. And I really mean it. If you do, it'll...It'll ruin everything for me." I said. And my expression made her came back to her senses, as she would suddenly stand almost at attention and nod.

"Of course Blake, anything for you." Don't make promises you won't be able to fullfil. I reached towards my black bow and I untied it. My ears perked up, relived to be freed from their prison. I decided to simply stand there, waiting for her reaction.

Velvet was confused at first. She wasn't sure what it was that she should focus on. And then she saw it. My pair of cat ears. Her confusion shifted into shock, as she pointed at the top of my head.

"B-Blake...a-are those..." I made them wiggle a little bit, just to show her they weren't fake.

"Blake you're a...!" I quickly covered her mouth, a frown on my face. She looked scared for a moment, but once she realized what she was about to do she let out a sigh. I moved my hand away.

"S-Sorry. I just, its surprising is all. Why are you hiding that you're a faunus?" I shruged. Because my entire life is about hiding the truth. About lying. About being fake. How badly I wanted to say that.

"I want people to judge me for who I am. Not what I am." I said instead. I moved to put the bow on once more, I was getting too anxious and afraid someone would peek at us, or stumble onto this spot by accident.

"I see... I...Thank you Blake." She smiled. A soft, warm smile. And I couldn't help but to smile back at her. "I know it had to mean alot for you to tell me that." She stepped forward and hugged me. I clenched my teeth. I felt my inner monster grow with anticipation. But not now. Not this time. I simply wanted to throw her against that wall and kiss her. Or maybe do more then just that. But I shook my head gently, I didn't want her to notice so I wraped my arms around her.

Ω

We departed after that. Decided it would be better to avoid any silly rumors of us doing the naughties behind the school building. As such, she went back towards the rooms first, and I waited for a bit before doing the same. But instead of the room, I had to find a bathroom. Once she left, I felt sick. All of what I did earlier came back with a power of Nora's hammer. And I had to control myself not to just throw up right there.

I stumbled into the stall like last time and droped to my knees. I closed my eyes and I felt the content of my breakfast, together with the rest of what remained after yesterday evening, go up my throat. I heard the disgusting splat it made against the water. My eyes watered as I allowed for my body to cleanse itself. Or at least try. I knew it would not help with the real root of the problem. My sick heart.

Ω

The next week was such a blurr to me. Classes, food, sleep, training. It almost seemed like routine got back at me. The more I was occupied with...anything, the less I found myself feeling sick. It came mostly before sleep. Dark thoughts, my guts feeling as if Yang used them as a punching bag. And the nightmares of course. But I was so numb to them by this point. It became part of the daily life.

I meet up a few times with Velvet. I opted to eat breakfast with my team, while we shared lunches together. It was idle chat, mostly recap of the day, and what happened and if we had any plans. After our last kiss behind the school building, we didn't do much. Some hand holding, a hug. Kiss on the cheek. But that was all.

I found out she really enjoyed sending me messages on my scroll. It was a bit strange at first. She asked all those weird questions. But they were strange in how random they seemed. From what fruit I would be if I had to become one, through my favorite cloud shape, and to things like the most funny joke I heard about dogs. It wasn't constant, of course. Most of the times it was just questions about what i was doing, how am I feeling. Things like that. Just, sometimes out of nowhere she asked those strange question. And weirdly enough, they always made me smile.

Maybe I was getting better? That thought started to run around my head one friday. Maybe this dating thing with Velvet really helped. Maybe the cute bunny was something I needed in my life. It did help that Ruby and Weiss kept their relationship at bay out of the public eye. Mostly due to the Schnee being afraid that if she started to flaunt her relationship a bit too much, her father would get a tad angry. While it was an open secret, it wasn't something they showcased.

And I had to open my big, dumb mouth about it.

I came back to my room, opening the door and sliping in. I turned around, wanting to greet whoever was in, when I saw them. They looked up from their position. Looking at me like a deer caught in headlights. And it was clear what they were doing. The redhead laying on top of the Schnee, their faces so close. It all collapsed inside of me. That sight. Ruby with someone else. I exited the room, slaming the door behind me. I heard Ruby, and I had to act. I made a shadow that would run down the hallway, as I waited. Once Ruby caught the bait, I decided to silently run the other way.

I felt my stomach twist in agony, and I knew I had to find a bathroom if I wasn't to just puke right here and now.

 **Authors note:**

 **If you find any typos and such, don't hesitate to inform me. I'll try to fix them asap.**


	5. Chapter 5

"I'm so sorry Ruby, Weiss, I really didn't mean to intrude upon you. Its my fault, please don't be mad at me." I put on my best desperate voice. I needed a plan. And the best thing was to play the guilt trip card. For them to think I ran away because I thought they would hate me.

"B-Blake, Blake, come on. Its fine. Really. It was our fault. We should have found a better place." Ruby tried to calm me down. Besides her was the Schnee, concern in her blue eyes. Something one would rarely see behind that cold stare of hers.

"Ruby is right. Blake, I apologize. I should have been more persistant in telling Ruby that it was not a good place for...that sort of behaviour." I saw her glare at the redhead, to which she smiled sheepishly.

"So you two...aren't mad at me?" I glanced timidly at both of them. I know that if my huntress career isn't going to work, I easily could become na actress, with how naturally being fake came to me by now.

"Of course we aren't. Blake, you're our friend. And if anything it was our fault." Ruby went in to hug me, and I felt Weiss hand on my shoulder. One crisis averted at least. I huged the redhead back, and tilted my head to smile at Weiss.

"Thanks guys, you're the best thing that ever happened to me." You're so full of shit, Belladona.

Ω

Rest of the week went by smoothly. I kept my story up. Which meant I took some mocking treatment from Yang and her teasing, and some empathy treatment from Velvet, who understood how embarassed I had to be. She didn't understand shit, of course. But I played along. I had to. A lie told long enough, would become a reality.

And then the RWBY team movie evening came. We were strolling down the street, heading towards the movie theatre of our choosing. Yang was talking about something. Something about training and something amazing happening. I smiled and nodded whenever her voice, mimick or gestures indicated that it would be a good time to react. A nod mostly. Weiss and Ruby were more lively commenting on the event.

I didn't care. But I already had this silent type label on me. Something I was glad for in times like these. Once all voices went quiet, and it was simply the sound of our footsteps for a good few minutes I decided to speak. If I was too quiet, they would get suspicious. They would call it more quiet then usual. I knew that. Hence why it was good to ask a simple question, make a useless comment.

"So what movie are we going to see exactly?" I looked over all three of them, but my gaze focused on Ruby, thinking that she would be the one that made the final decision on this. She looked at me confused.

"I didn't tell you?" I shook my head to which she gasped. "Oh dust, I'm sorry Blake. I thought I told everyone." I heard her talking some more. But my mind focused on something more important. How I wasn't included. How she didn't notice. I clenched my teeth as I felt a pain in my chest. As if something grabed my heart. A cold, clawed hand. I had to calm myself. Or else they would notice.

Ruby would finishing speaking, and I saw her look at me, as if waiting for something. I had to gamble on my answer.

"Sounds good." I smiled, and I was lucky enough to get it right. Yeah, as if. Me and being lucky. She smiled back at me and we continued the walk towards our destination.

Ω

Once inside, we looked around. We needed a plan, of course. We always needed a plan.

"Alright, so Ruby and Weiss, take care of the tickets. Me and Blake will grab some munchies and..."

"No." I simply said. And everyone looked at me.

"Would you rather if Me and Ruby took care of the snacks?" Weiss asked, not entirely sure what was this about.

"Nobody will buy snacks. We're here to watch a movie. Not to crunch our way through with greasy food and watered soda." I frowned. I hated when people did that. The smell, the sound. And people walking to the bathroom because all that water in these drinks made them want to pee. And the foot tapping cause they are trying to hold it in. I swear I'll be in the news one day over it.

I saw Yang wanting to voice her objection, but Ruby chimed in.

"Blake is right." She said, although a bit on the quiet side. That made both Weiss and Yang look at her in surprise. As if they just saw a ghost. I smiled at Ruby, and she smiled back at me. She understood. She always understood. This angel of a girl.

Yang simply threw her arms in the air in frustration. "Fine, whatever, kill the joy of going to see a movie. See if I care." She started to walk towards one of the cushion designated to sit for folks waiting for the movie rooms to open.

I turned around to do the same, but I felt someone grab my hand. My mind already instinctively made a plan in case it was a foe. I hated public places. But I kept myself in check from jumping at whoever it was. And then I saw that it was Weiss. I blinked in surprise. I looked around to see Ruby standing in the ticket line.

"Weiss?" I asked as if not entirely sure it was her.

"Blake I...well. After our last accident." I flinched, but tried to keep my composure at that. I decided to retaliate from my own reflex and simply played along, as I rubed my neck trying to act embarassed. She continued, understanding my embarassment. "I just wanted to say that. I know this is a weird place to say it. But we didn't have the best start. I know that."

"Mmm...Yeah." I agreed with her. I had to keep this going. As painful as it was to interact one on one with her.

"But knowing you more and more. And seeing how you affect people. I know that you're a person with a golden heart. Even now, you managed to convince Ruby to do something that shocked even me. To not snack." She giggled, and I joined in. Hoping she wouldn't catch up on how fake it was.

"So did you just wanted to thank me for stoping Ruby from eating junk food?" I smiled at her. She was so close. I could stab her easily. Her aura never was too strong. And I was too close for her to do any of those glyphs she did. Ruby would be sad. And mad at me. But maybe she would see through it. Maybe one day she would understand?

"No, Blake. I wanted to tell you that if anything, you opened my eyes. Faunus or human. It didn't really matter. There are rotten eggs in both groups. And just like that, there are people of golden heart in both groups as well. People that are worth fighting for. If I ever take lead of the family corporation. I just wanted to promise you, I'll do my damnest to fix this issue betwen faunus and humans."

I felt tears go down my cheeks. I had to act. I had to play it off as if I was taken by her words. I steped forward and huged her. She tensed, but would hug me back. I didn't cry because of her words. I didn't care about her words. I cried because I just thought about stabing her. Killing her in cold blood. While she told me how much value she put in me. I was a monster. And I deserved every second of this torment.

I moved away. If I stayed too long, it would be suspicious. I would clear my eyes. She smirked at me.

"Got sentimental?" She grinned, teasing me. I decided to play a badass card and would wave my hand at her.

"Just something in my eye...eyes." I explained and she giggled. I smiled at her, and she would do the same. If she only knew what monster I really was. We both heard Yang yell and wave at us. The movie was about to begin. She was standing with Ruby, which would join in with trying to get our attention.

"Yo, what was that about? And are those tears?" Yang frowned.

"I was telling Blake that you can't spell Worcestershire." I decided to play along and as I walked towards the movie room, I placed a hand on Yangs shoulder and shook my head in disappointement.

"What? What the dust is wor...whatever that word" She stood there confused as we continued to move. Ruby was also quite concerned about what happened, but Weiss pulled her along and simply said _'later'_ as they walked. "Ugh whatever you two!" I heard Yang grunt in the back as she started to follow after us. We shared a wink with Weiss.

We settled down, and not long after the commercials would start to play. And trailers for other movies. And then my scroll vibrated. I wouldn't usually take it out in a place like this. But it was still at least fifteen minutes before the movie starts proper so...

 _Velvet: How's the movie night? I'm not interrupting in the middle of the movie? But then you shouldn't be reading this if it is in the middle of the movie!_

 _Blake: Commercials and trailers. I'm fine for the next fifteen minutes. And it was suprisingly eventful. Weiss, the white haired Schnee in my group. Told me how much I changed her view of the faunus._

 _Velvet: Thats amazing! And of course you would. You are great._

I sighed at that. If she only knew. If all of them knew. I think that was the worst part of lying. When they praised me for things that weren't true.

 _Velvet: So if you could have another animal feature, what that would be?_

 _Blake: Whiskers._

 _Velvet: ...Whiskers? Why?_

 _Blake: So I would tickle your nose each time we kiss._

I smiled at that. I wished I would truly have a feeling for the faunus girl. So that I could truly enjoy little things like this. Silly messages and things like that. But it was all act. Act to keep her from turning into a mess that I myself was.

 _Velvet: You're horrible. I blushed so hard now they can't stop teasing me about it hmpf._

 _Blake: I'm sorry. How about I get myself fake whiskers and we'll test that tickle theory later as an apology. Alot._

 _Velvet: BLAKE!1!_

 _Blake: Movie is about to start, ttyl._

 _Velvet: Enjoy the movie you meanie!_

For some reason I didn't really want to stop chatting with the bunny. But deep down I know that next to snacks, there's nothing more annoying then that one asshole who can't keep his device off for a few hours to enjoy what he came for.

I didn't really care for the movie. It was about some girl that died, but didn't die. And they got her brain in a robot, and she joined police special force because of that. And then it turned out they lied to her and she went out to try and uncover truth.

I already could say that Yang and Ruby would enjoy it for the action scenes. Weiss? I wasn't sure. She could ponder the more philosophical side of the movie. Like, what makes us people. Is it the ability to think, feel. When would we stop being people and become robots. And turning that around, when does a robot stop being a robot and becomes a person. I shruged as if answering all those question with just that gesture. Who cares.

After the movie we decided to go get some pizza. While Weiss wasn't too enthralled about the idea. It took her some time to get used to the cafeteria food. Yet she found herself something she could stomach. This, on the other hand. I pondered for a bit. To make her suffer. Only if a little bit. Get sick in the stomach. Make her feel like I do everyday. I clenched my teeth. I shook my head. I acted as quick as I could on my next thought, before my dark heart could stop me.

"I know a spot where they have a salad bar. How does that sound? We can stuff ourself full of greasy goodness, while princess here enjoys her light food." I offered with a smile. I felt my heart twist. I already regretted it. I could have made her suffer. But I didn't. I couldn't. She was my friend. She was not my enemy. She cared for me. And...and I cared for her.

"I'm not a ...ugh. B-But thank you. I'd really appriciate if we could head there, instead of whatever place you two had in mind." Weiss eyed both Yang and Ruby. They just shrugged. Nobody cared, as long as we would stuff ourself full of some junk food for tonight.

Once there, we had a bit of a pickle to decide how we'd order our food. Ordering one big pizza would mean we had to pick something that would taste good for all of us. Which was an issue. In the end we simply decided that Yang and Ruby would grab something big for themselfs, while I got myself a smaller one. That allowed me to grab one with anchovy. And by dust, did I get alot of weird looks when I begged the waiter to tell the cook to put alot of these. And I meant ALOT.

Ω

"N-No, B-Blake. Come on. W-Why? I told you to stop! Blake! Don't come closer!" I heard fear in her voice as I did the opposite to her request. To her demand. I had a dark smile on my lips. I would strike soon. I would take her breath away. She was in just the right position. It was my time to act. I would end it here.

I pounced her. Velvet squeaked as she was too slow to get out of the way. I pinned her to the bed and grinned down at her. She couldn't help but laugh as she looked up at me.

"I told you I would tickle your nose with my kitty whiskers." I whispered as I moved my head lower. She couldn't help but giggle at that. At the sight of those fake whiskers glued to my face. And at the whole situation.

"But before that..." I started and would stop my head movement. She raised her brows slightly at that, not sure what evil I had planned.

"Cats do enjoy playing with their prey." I announced, her eyes went wide in shock, but it was too late. As my fingers moved to her sides to tickle the poor bunny.

"N-No! Blake! S-stop it! Y-you know I'm-I'm ticklish! Nnnooo~" She let out in a desperate voice. Although it was difficult to catch on that, due to all the laughing that acompanied her voice.

"Nuh huh, I'm not done tormenting my bunny." I explained to her horror. She squirmed and tried to move away. Her arms trying to defend her sides to no avail.

"I s-surrender! I surrender! Blake! Please!" She begged and I decided to be merciful. I would stop and grin down at her. Velvet tried to catch her breath. I gave her a few moments, before grabing her hands and pining them to the bed once more. I slowly leaned my head down.

"Now to discuss terms of your surrender." I whispered huskly. She murred and I could feel her squirming underneath me.

Our lips meet. My inner beast would howl with its dark pleasure. I couldn't deny that it felt good. To mute this pain from time to time. So I allowed for my dark heart to enjoy itself. For the moment I didn't care. I'll deal with my moral hangover later.

I tilted my head to the side, and she knew what I was about to do. Even before my tongue brushed against her lips, I was allowed entry. Our tongues danced in a neutral reunion for a moment, before I pushed more agressively into the kiss. Seeking to dominate the girl underneath me. I heard her moan. I felt her squirm. She didn't stop me. She simply submitted to me. And I loved that feeling. The feeling of being in control. For once, I had control. I wasn't running. I wasn't hurting. I was in control.

I would tilt my head once more, this time ensuring my fake whiskers would indeed tickle the girls nose. She let a muffled sound of protest, but I didn't stop. Her small nose twitching as she wiggled underneath me. It was actually me who had to break the kiss. As I laughed and grinned down at her. In return she pouted at me, her nose still wiggling.

"Now my nose itches." She tilted her head to the side, trying to rub it against her arm and thus scratch the itch away. The notion made me giggle some more. I decided to let go of her and raise myself up a little. Reason for that being I had enough of those fake whiskers. She thought I would forget. But I never forget. I can wait patiently before I strike. I shook my head. I enjoyed feeling this. Little bits of happiness from time to time. And I already dreaded the feeling of emptiness that would come in a few hours.

I would lay on top of her once more, burrying my arms around her, only to suddenly roll around. Surprising her as she ended up on top of me. I really prayed I would not overshoot and we both wouldn't end up on the other side of the bed. But here we were, the cute faunus laying on top of me. I simply hugged her, and she would do the same.

While I enjyoed the warmth, my inner darkness pushed me to do something more. To seek more pleasure of the flesh. To escape the incoming feeling of sorrow that would catch up to me. But at this time, I managed to control it. And I decided to distract myself.

"Soon we'll have our beloved exam session." I said. I didn't really have any direction with this topic, I simply wanted to chat idly with her, to try and mute those voice in my heart.

"Mmm..." She murred and I wondered if it was something she got from me. "Yeah. I'm not really afraid. I should be fine. How about you? Is Weiss keeping you up in shape?"

"Its mostly Ruby. Yang is too much of a loose cannon, but I think she has some magical power of passing classes without having to study. Something that Ruby is so envious of." And how I know that feeling well...envy.

"Ooh, sounds like Fox."

"We'll propably have less time to meet up in that time. Still gonna message me I hope?" I enjoyed her messages afteral. They distracted me in my times of solitude.

"Of course, silly. I won't end up chained..." I gave her a grin. "...Blake don't you dare say anything!" I simply giggled, sparing her this time. Although I might bring it back later. "Eitherway, I won't end up studying all the time. But it would be better if we focused on passing with best grades. If not for our own sake, then for our teams sake."

"Yeah. How about we go out on a more mundane date after that? You know, movie and some food. So people don't think we're a pair of nerdy loosers."

"Aw but I like being part of this nerdy looser duo with you." She gave me a fake pout, which I banished with a simple peck on her lips. I wish someone would banish my sadness like that. But by now it was quite clear it was pointless for me to dream.

Ω

And then they came. The exams. It was filled with catching up, study sessions with my team. Panic, stress and more exams. I liked it. It kept me busy enough to not pay attention to the darkness that stirred inside me. And it did with great force each time I had a moment for myself. I felt...longing without Velvet. But not missing to hang out with her. It was something different. Something more carnal.

And I wasn't so sure if I merely wanted to feel the carnal pleasure itself. It wasn't that. It was a different sort of desire. Something sick and twisted, that I was sure. More so than simply wanting to physicaly use Velvet. That would be carnal. While vile, it would be quite blunt. This desire within me was something else. Something more twisted. Dark. But the worst is, I couldn't understand what exactly did my rotten heart want.

 **Authors note:**

 **There are two reasons I push the updates with this one. Releasing basicly 2 chapters per day.**

 **One is I want this to be over before my next semester starts.**

 **Second, this is not a story I want to be on my backburner. Its something too personal for me, and I need to strike the iron while its hot.**

 **Hope you enjoyed this chapter, dear reader. Stay tuned for the next one that I dread to release for reason you'll read for yourself.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Authors note:**

 **This is the chapter I dreaded the most. Both to write and to show. And you're about to understand why.**

Ω

The exam session was over. There would be an additional two week period for those who would fail to try and fix their grades. But I was confident about passing. I wouldn't dream to get on Weiss level with that, but I knew I would pass.

I was taking an idle walk around the academy. I was thinking about the grades, tests and how well my teammates would do in them. Yang was being an optimist about her scores, Weiss didn't seem to even notice them, and Ruby was a ball of stress. So nothing unusual.

I blinked in surprise as my legs carried be in front of teams CFVY room. I shrugged and knocked on the door. I wouldn't mind to check on Velvet. Even if I would need to deal with her teammates. The door openened and I would stand face to face with Coco. It took her but a second before she recognized me, grin on her lips. "Hey girl, came to see Velvet? If thats the case, then sorry but your princess is in another castle." She chuckled and I blinked in confusion. Was this some kind of...reference?

I saw the rest of team CFVY moving towards the door, so I stepped to the side. Everyone but Velvet. I was really confused now. "We wanted to head to the city to unwind after the exams." Coco continued, which as nice as it was, still didn't explain why Velvet wouldn't go with them.

It was Yatsuhashi that answered my unspoken question. "Velvet asked if she could sit this one out. Said she was concerned how you did with your exams."

"Yep, she has it hard for you, so you better not screw this up." Coco added and lowered her glasses enough to give me a wink. I cleared my throat and rubbed my neck.

"R-Right."

"Anyway, we're off. Feel free to wait inside our room. Just sit with your back to the doors in case she walks in naked or something." At that I blushed. And that made both Coco and Fox snicker at my expense. I shook my head as I saw them walk away, waving at me for a moment, before indulging with each other in some conversation about...dust knows what. Not like I cared.

Shower. When I understood what I was doing, I was already moving towards it. And as I approached the door I stopped. I heard something. A sound from behind the door. A muffled sound. Something even I barely caught. The sound was familiar. And so was the voice.

And then, once more, my dark heart took over as I lowered my guard. I grabed the handle and pulled it. My eyes went wide in surprise. The doors were open, so I sliped in.

"Hey Velvet, doors were open so..." And when I turned my head I saw it.

Sitting on her folded towel was Velvet. Her body was uncovered. She looked at me like a deer caught in headlights. She froze in place just as she was before I entered. With one of her hands between her legs. I understood now what was going on. So foolish for her to leave the doors open like that.

I wanted to leave, to make this a stupid accident that we would later be embarassed about.

But I didn't.

Instead I let go off the handle and would fully turn her way, closing the doors behind me proper from the inside, as she should herself before I managed to get in. She was aware enough to close her legs and curl up, her other arm would cover her chest.

I started moving forward. Towards the girl. I couldn't stop. I wanted to stop. I wanted to turn around and move the other way. I wanted to exit this room. I wanted to leave this girl alone. I wanted to. But I couldn't. I was like in a trance. Like her being here like this was my personal syrens call.

She didn't move. She didn't understand what was going on. I saw it behind her eyes. I should leave and apologize. I shouldn't move towards her. She didn't know what she should do in this situation. She felt scared. I made her felt scared. But I could not stop myself. My body was acting on its own.

I kneeled in front of her. Those terrified brown eyes following my every movement.

"Beautiful." I whispered to her. One of her ears would twitch slightly as she heard my voice. I placed my hands on her knees and moved them slowly down towards her thighs. Her skin was smooth.

I wanted for her to scream. To push me away and run. I wanted her to beat me up. I wanted her to call for help. I wanted her to do something. Anything. But she didn't. She merely looked at me with those scared eyes.

I snuck my fingers enough between her legs to gain leverage. And I applied force. I could feel her put some resistance at first. But I pressured on. Soon she gave out. I don't know why, but she gave up. Her legs would open, and I slided closer. Close enough so that she wouldn't be able to join her legs again.

"You can push me away if you want me to stop." I explained as I put both my hands on her cheeks. Deep down I knew that if she was to do something, it would have already happened. The only thing that would stop me was her verbaly telling me not to.

And my dark heart would hear that. I leaned forward, and before she could speak, our lips connected. But what I felt was not the same as when we normally kiss. She was stiff, hesitant. But I was persistant. I pushed into the kiss. I wanted for her to kiss me back.

I could feel my head spinning. I felt like I was drunk. Everything was like through a haze. I wanted to stop this. I wanted for her to stop me. For anyone to stop us. But none of that came. And my inner beast unattained, would roam free. Feeding of this innocent creature before me.

At some point she started to kiss me back. I felt it. And it felt strange. My tongue moved to invade her mouth. This time she wasn't so eager to allow access. But I was persistant. The beast was hungry. And it was about to feast. And there was nothing I could do to stop it.

I didn't want this. I prayed to whatever gods there were to stop this. To stop me. For any force to interrupt this. To smite me here and now. To spare her. To spare Velvet.

I grabed her hands. At this point she didn't give any resistance. I moved them to the sides, for a moment keeping them on the ground with my own. We kissed. Our tongues dances. No, not danced. I bullied her. I asserted my dominance. My control over her. Right here and now. The desire to control her. The beast was hungry. And it would feast.

My hands brushed against her torso. Against her chest. Her breasts. My finger tips would hungirly slide across her soft skin. I moved away from our kiss, my lips going towards her neck as I would kiss, bite and lick at it. Like the beast I was. Monster I became.

I heard her whimper and moan. I didn't stop. It was like her body was some kind of attraction, and I was motivated to explore it fully. I wanted her to squirm and moan with that cute voice of her. I wanted to make her sing for me. I wanted to control her reactions. Control her. Defile her. Corrupt her.

My hand brushed down her stomach. Slowly, lower and lower. I could feel her body go tense. She knew what was coming. She wasn't sure how to feel about it. And my dark heart would squirm in joy at that. I was the master of this situation. We played acording to my rules.

And then I touched it. Her flower. Those soft petals. I did it gently at first. Even if my inner beast had its desires, I never really did it with another girl. So I took my time. I explored my possibilities. I carefuly observed her reactions.

I played with her body like I played with her emotions for so long. Now she was completely mine to toy with. Body and heart. And it gave me such a twisted feeling of pleasure. But I couldn't stop. Not before the beast was sated.

With every squeal and moan she made, I grew more confident. My other hand would move behind her head and I pulled her into a kiss. I didn't start slow. I immidietly ramed my tongue into her mouth. Like the wild beast I became.

I tried to make the kiss as sloppy as I could. Our mouths would part and join over and over. I forced her to meet my silent requests as I teased her lips with my own. I licked, bited and suckled. My other hand would toy with her most sacred place, while I searched for more ways to defile this innocent soul. To corrupt it with my vile taint. To make her mine.

At some point she would reach her limit. She would reach her unwanted peak of pleasure. I would move away just slightly. Enough to look at the mess she became. And I could feel it growing inside of me. This wave of lust. Of need. I started to undress and once fully naked I renewed my attack. I pulled her closer to myself.

She was laying on the floor as I continued my assault. I Would rub, bite, kiss and lick every spot on her body. I would carefuly observe her reactions. I would map her entire body. I would make her mine. I would assert my control, my dominance. I would force every moan, squeak and whimper she made. It would be all my doing.

She could have pushed me away. Scream for help. She had her chance. It was all her fault. It was her fault. It was her fault. IT WAS HER FAULT. IT WAS HER FAULT. HER FAULT.

It was my fault...

Ω

We laid there. On the cold floor. Both exhausted. The beast was satisfied for now. My brain was numb. At some point I made a pillow out of my clothes for her to lay her head on. I simply laid with my head on my arm.

And then she spoke.

"Its my fault." It was but a whisper. But it was loud enough for me to hear. I raised my head. I looked her in the eyes.

She gave me a sad smile. "You thought this was a setup. That I lured you in. Oh dust." She would cover her face with her hands. Please don't do this. Please don't justify my action. Please, blame me. Punish me. Tell others. Let your team beat me up. Please. Anything, but this.

"I'm sorry Blake." No, no no no no no. This was wrong. I wanted to scream at her. To tell her its my fault. That I used her. That I abused her. That I defiled her. But I couldn't.

"Its okay, Velvet. I...I don't even know what just happened." Instead I smiled. I felt sick. Once more I was not in control. I never was in control. Like someone forced me to watch all of this. Being powerless to stop any of it.

"It...It was my first time you know." She said shyly and looked away.

"..Oh." Was all I could say. I'm not sure if my own mental exhaustion caught up with my body. Or was I just so insensitive towards her. Or both.

"Velvet I...I didn't know." I let out a sigh.

"Its...Its okay Blake. I um. Can we...can we act like its...something good? Or at least not as bad as it seems. I mean. It was my first time. While this...this was a big...misunderstanding. I would rather try and keep some...positive thoughts about my first time." This...this innocence. This optimism. It sickened me. It made the monster inside my heart stir in anger. But for now I could control it. It was sated, and it was easy to control while sated.

"Alright." I merely said. I didn't even apologize. I simply took it for granted that it was her fault. And I knew the truth. Deep down I knew the truth. I was the monster.

We took a shower together. There was no point in modesty. We already went over that line. I wish I could enjoy it. In every book I read, the showering together scene was always either very cute and sweet, romantic and lovely, or kinky and arousing. But I was numb to it. I'm not sure what Velvet thought. She was acting different. And I didn't blame her.

After the shower we went our separate ways. We said goodbyes, but didn't kiss nor hug.

Once we parted and she was safe inside her room, it came back. The spinning in my head. I would stumble onto the opposite wall from her door. The world around me would act as if I was on some weird rollercoaster. I began to walk. I had to walk. I had to move. I pushed my legs forward, I pressed my body to the wall. I hoped nobody would find me like this. They would ask question. They would find out.

Whatever dark powers looked over me, they would grant me that one wish. And I safely got to where I was going.

Ω

I placed the tiny blade against my skin. I pressured it and began to move. And then it came. The sting of pain. I loved it. It cleansed me. It made the beast within writhe in pain. And I would torment it, as it tormented me.

I smiled as I saw the blood sip out of my small wound. I waited. Its how you performed a torture. You applied pain, and then waited for it to slowly wash over the body. And then you applied it again. And you waited. And again, and so on. Patience was the key to success.

I would make those small cuts. Just long enough for me to feel the pain. To see my blood leak. Make the beast pay for what it did to Velvet.

I felt my tears go down my cheeks. But I didn't let it distract me. I wanted revenge for what was done. And I would get it. I would make it pay. Make it suffer. I would tame it, control it. So it wouldn't hurt people I care for.

I threw the pendant against the bathroom floor. My hands would cover my face as I began to sob. I used her. I defiled her. And she isn't even aware. She blames herself. Why is fate so twisted. Why couldn't it act when I started to have feelings for Ruby. Why is it that whenever it acts, it does so only to further my pain. To make me suffer.

I sat there, crying till my eyes went dry. Till there were no more tears. Only sobs and whimpers. I looked at my bloodied arm. I deserved this. I deserved this and so much more. There was only one thing I didn't deserve.

To live.


	7. Chapter 7

_Velvet: Meet me behind the building after classes. Same spot where you told me the truth about yourself._

I read the message once more. It was on my mind the whole day. I feared what would come. But we had to talk. To discuss what happened. I still felt horrible about it. I hoped she would yell at me. Scream at me. That she would wait with her team to beat me up. To punish me. Because self inflicted punishment was not enough. It would only work for a brief moment, before everything would come back with full force.

As I walked towards the spot, I was cursing myself. I already had a plan. I couldn't let all of it be revealed. Not for my sake. Not for Velvet sake. But for Ruby's sake. She would be devastated if she knew. It would make issues in the team, and its her team. It would be her fault. Or so she would blame herself.

I quietly moved behind the corner to see Velvet. She was standing there, deep in thoughts. Her back against the wall as she looked down at the ground. She was alone. My dark heart nudged me to move forward. To begin my charade of lies to fool this girl.

"Hey Velvet." I smiled softly as I raised my hand in greeting. She raised her head and would mimick my gesture.

"Hey." And we just stood there. In awkward silence. I took a deep breath. I had to take the lead. This was the best chance to push my made up excuse.

"I...I'm sorry. Velvet, I really am. I didn't know what was going on, you know? I thought that the door being open and all that. You would be like, doing something mundane. And...and it didn't even pass my thought that you would be naked. Not even topless. B-But...but you were..." I stoped there and looked away. I blushed. Because the thought of her naked body still burned in my mind. Perhaps I could start working on forcing myself to blush when I required for such. An interesting prospect for the future.

Velvet let out a deep sigh. "No, no. Blake. I should have closed the door. I just thought that. I don't know what I thought." She hugged herself looking away from me. "I just want to know whats betwen us. After that. I didn't want to ignore it, like some kind of elephant in the room. I wanted to talk this over. I wanted to be honest with you." Honesty. I felt my stomach twist. I'm not even sure I could force myself to be honest about anything really.

"You...said you wanted to act as if...it wasn't a complete disaster. We could do that. I mean, only if you still want to. I still feel bad that it was your first time. But...you know." I bit my lower lip. "We could always try again in...better circumstances. Sometime in the future." I added, my face red as I felt my throat go dry.

Velvet would blush, a bit surprised by my forward approach about the topic. Her eyes growing big for a moment, before she let out a sigh. A soft smile on her lips. "In the future, maybe. For now, lets...lets just move on. It was a big misunderstanding." She offered me a warm smile. If she only knew. If she only understood what monster I was. How aware I was of everything. How I used her.

I smiled back at her and would open my arms to offer her a hug. She accepted it and we just stood there. I'm sure she felt all giddy and happy. She enjoyed the warmth of my body and the relief of fixing an issue in her relationship. And me? I felt horrible. I wanted to push her away and run. But that would bring attention to me. Something I didn't want to happen.

Ω

I can't belive I got myself talked into this. I hated public places. I could tolerate malls or movie theatres. Restaurants and tea places. But clubs. With people bumping into you, with loud music my ears would hate. With people acting like jackasses. Drunk, often full of various drugs. There was a reason I opted to just invite Velvet for a little book evening and some tea for our own date.

There was a slight issue of course. Ruby was too young to go. As such, Weiss decided to not go as well, to not leave Ruby alone. But I knew it was an excuse. She felt the same way about the clubs as I did. Obnoxious. And then Yang said something I never expected her to say. Inviting other teams.

That meant two teams. Team JNPR for obvious reasons, and team CFVY due to my association with Velvet. And Yang, I think. She did sell me out to them, so they could push Velvet into asking me out after all.

So I was heading towards their room as an emissary with a proposal of going out together. I knocked on the door, and was greeted with a surprised, but happy Velvet. She invited me inside, and what I saw was...well.

"W-Whats going on here?" I couldn't help but ask. There were books and papers everywhere. And all three other members of the team were deep in their reading of whatever paper or books they currently were on. To the point where they all just offered me a mumbled "hey" and nothing else.

Velvet let out a little snicker at that. "Weeeell...it seems sooomeone was a bit too lacking in their studies. So now someone has to study extra to try and fix their grades." I could see all those glares from her teammates. Daggers being shoot at her.

"I guess that kinda answers the question I had." I simply stated. Velvet tilted her head curiously. I decided to shrug and continue. "Yang wanted to see if you guys were free to go a little wild at some club in Vale."

"Oh, well as you can see we can't really go. Sorry Blake." Velvet gave me an apologetic smile. It was at that point that Coco stood up, throwing her book to the side and stretching. Soon she had her arm around the rabbit, making her squeak a bit in surprise.

"Nuh huh Velvet darling. WE can't go. You're free to go enjoy your evening...and night, with Blake and Yang." I could see that Velvet didn't really want to go. It was same with Weiss. She had a perfect excuse not to go. Staying with her team. But here she was nagged to go by the same excuse she wanted to use not to go. How convoluded it all sounded.

"I d-don't know Coco. What if you need my help? Its important for you guys to pass. We are a team." She tried to convince her team leader. And it almost sounded as if she was beggin her to let her stay. Sadly for her, Coco would have none of it.

"Nah, we're fine. Its just one evening. I already have an idea on how to dress you up. Yo, Blake, tell Yang Velvet will hang out with you guys. Just send her a message later to inform us at what time you wanna meet up." I felt...weird. I felt like Coco was setting us up for a date. Even if we were doing that for some time now. But I shrugged, seeing as Velvet didn't verbally disagree with what her team leader just said.

"Alright. Mind if I steal her before you start the little dress up?" Coco grinned at that and would let go of her.

"Sure thing Blake. Just don't make out too long! Dressing up is a form of art, after all. And art requires time." She winked at us. That comment made the bunny blush, and me roll my eyes. As if I didn't have this enough from Yang.

I took the rabbits hand and would lead her outside the room. I sighed. "Sorry Velvet. I know you don't really wanna go. To be honest, neither do I. But I should hang out with Yang a bit. I was kinda neglecting her. And before you say we should just make it a night with just me and her, I already suggested that. So don't worry. And Yang was persistant to invite more peope. So the least I could do, is to come here ask myself. With an added bonus of seeing you"

She let out a soft giggle and smiled. "I'm sure it won't be that bad. I'll be there with you." I wanted to roll my eyes at that. Being with me anywhere is the worst thing for this girl. Yet she was so happy about it. My first instinct was to not come here. To simply tell Yang later they couldn't make it. But I was afraid. It wasn't a good lie. And I knew more about lying by now, than I knew about fighting and being a huntress. It became an obsession for me. To create illusions around myself. To make everyone belive I was alright. That nothing was wrong.

"I promise we'll bail out early if things get...too troublesome for you. Yang will understand. If anything? We'll just tell her that we sneaked out to do some naughties." I grinned at her. The girl before me gasped and would blush, only to lightly punch me in the arm. I would rub the spot with a soft "ow" coming from me. The bunny girl shook her head.

"You're awful Blake." She tried to frown and pout at me, but it didn't last long. First cracks showed on her fake expression, and soon enough she was once more smiling. We hugged and said our goodbyes. I already dreaded what would happen tonight.

Ω

I wasn't sure what to wear. I decided on some black jeans and a hoodie I got as a gift from Yang. Its not that I wanted to, but it was the only thing with long sleeves that wasn't my usual outfit. And I didn't want anyone to see my scars. Now this being a gift from Yang, you could easily expect it being some kind of trick. And in this case it was. With the front of it having the words "I'm not lazy I'm cat-like" And the hood of it having fake kitty ears attached to it. But it was my only option. I hoped it would at least make Velvet smile.

Yang insisted I wear something more...sexy. Revealing. But I refused. And I did so a few times, till I snaped at her and told her that if she didn't like it, I could always stay and let her go alone. She backed off and would let me wear whatever. I shook my head at that.

Yang on the other hand had a short tank top, and a skirt as lengthy as her shorts are on a daily basis. All in her favorite browns and oranges. The most surprising part was her choice of shoes. Sneakers. I never was a fashion person. But it seemed a bit odd. But when asked, the blond simply winked at me. To which I shrugged. I didn't really care.

We heard knocking, and since we assumed who it was, I decided to open the door "Hey Velvet ready to...". What I saw...well. It made me stare. As cheesy as it sound. I was awestruck. Velvet had a short burgund sleeveless dress. Single black belt would wrap itself around her waist, showing off her slim tummy. Black high heels, or lady stiches as Ruby called them. I'm sure I shouldn't be focusing on that part of her body. But it allowed for me to notice that underneat that dress she wore black shorts.

"You're drooling" I heard Yang say before I felt a hand spank my butt. I jumped, both thankful, and annoyed at this ticket to get back to reality. Yang whistled as she looked over Velvet. The bunny faunus clearly not used to such attention. "Glad someone won't make me embarassed to show up with them. I mean can you belive your girlfriend is going like this?" I could hear Yang being close to offended by the prospect. I rolled my eyes.

"O-Oh erm. Thank you Tang."

"Yang."

"Yang. It was mostly Coco who said I should look nice. So Blake can be proud and all." Even if blushing red, she let out a giggle. I couldn't help but blush as well. I shook my head and would start to leave, taking Velvets hand.

"We'll head slowly towards the port. Feel free to catch up with us!"

"Sure thing, just don't start the fun without me." I rolled my eyes. Yang closed the door, but we could hear her talk to Ruby and Weiss. Something about using protection and the two groaning loudly and calling her name. We looked at each other and shared a giggle at that.

"You look beautiful." I finally said. She smiled at me.

"I would prefer to go dressed like you."

"You wouldn't, Velvet. Trust me."

"No? Why do you say so." She tilted her head. And I just let out a sigh and reached for the hood and would put it on. It took her a while to notice what I meant. And she let out a giggle.

"Blake, thats adorable. And it explains the cat-like writing too." She was silent for a moment, although she kept her smile. "So they thought it was a good idea to give you something like that? I have a similar thing too. But it has fake rabbit ears. And the most weird writing on the front. Like it says 'a cat is good too' but the cat word is scratched and above it is the word 'bunny' and when I asked what that means they simply laughed." I blinked a few times. I had a suspicion what that could mean. But I decided to leave the explenation for later.

"Umh, Blake? Are you sure they'll allow you inside in this outfit? I mean It looks lovely on you. But don't clubs have some dress codes and stuff like that." She looked over me concerned.

"Yang told me she has a place where she's well known and if anything, she'll just talk with the manager and they'll let me in." I explained. Her lips formed into that adorable "o" shape as she nodded a few times.

"I didn't know Yang had such connections." I rubbed my neck.

"Its complicated." I simply said.

The night itself was a haze for me. Not in a bad way, surprisingly. The travel was spent on Yang explaining to Velvet various rules she needs to uphold in a club. I rolled my eyes at some of those. Yet she did make a few good points. Mostly the ones that were about her own safety. I felt like Yang would make a suprisingly good parent. But that was to be expected. She did have a younger sister she cared for.

Once we arrived at the club, the bouncer was...terrified of Yang. To which neither me or Yang really seemed to notice as we walked past him and inside. Velvet was...a bit surprised. But didn't ask questions. At least for now.

Inside of the building was like the hell I remember it being. Loud music, deafening beats, lots of people and mixed smell of perfumes and alcohol. And sweat. I let out a sigh. Like I said before, the night was a bit fuzzy for me. But I did remember two moments well enough for them to be burnt into my memory.

Ω

I was having a drink. I wouldn't normally agree, but I could use something to relax. Still I had to control both myself, and Velvet. Especially the bunny faunus. After she said she wasn't that much of a drinker, some wine here and there being her best acomplishment in that regard.

Yang approached us, peeling off some girl off her. "Please, I'll be back with you in a moment. Have some friends I need to shake up a bit!" The mysterious girl was reluctant, but she finally let go of Yang. The blond grinning at us. I could tell she was not controling herself with these drinks as I tried to.

"Yo, You two are aware this ain't the punch bowl and this isn't the school dance, right?"

"Mmm..." I simply answered. Yang frowned at that.

"So why you two aren't there dancing, enjoying yourself! Come on Blake, take your girl and show her how to have some fun." She grinned once more at me. I looked at Velvet. Its as if the prospect of what Yang said made her terrified.

"Right, Yang go get your mysterious friend and have some fun. We'll join the dance floor in a moment." I smiled to her, and she gave us a double thumbs up before going back towards the dance floor. I turned to Velvet, and she really looked like she would rather be anywhere but here. I raised an eyebrow at that.

"Everything alright, Velvet?" I tilted my head and would sip my drink. I winced slightly. I hated the taste of alcohol.

"I...I don't really. I mean. I can't dance. N-Not normal dance! B-But...This kind of dance. Dancing." She explained sheepishly, rubbing her own arms. I smiled at that. Maybe it was the alcohol speaking, but I took her hand.

"Hey its alright. I'll show you. Its not that hard. I saw you fight grimm without a weapon. And with those moves? Dancing won't be an issue!" I heard her protest, but as I pulled her behind me, she did follow. I wasn't the best dancer around. But I felt...free? It was quite a weird feeling.

"See? Just do what everyone else is doing! Move to the rhythm of the music." I sliped behind her and placed my hands on top of her waist. I slowly guided her hips. I wonder if this is how parents felt when they tried to teach their children how to ride a bike. Make them feel like you're guiding them, and suddenly let go. But quietly. So they think they are still safe. But in reality, they were doing it all by themselves for a better portion of the ride.

Its what I did. I watched as Velvet would slowly catch the rhythm. It wasn't hard. This music was designed to be as simple as possible. Weiss would have a few eloquent words to describe it properly, I'm sure. All in negative light, too.

Soon I saw Velvet raise her arms as she moved more freely. "Y-You're right, Blake. This is...this is kinda fun!" She announced to me. She sounded so...amazed that she was actually doing it. And more, as she was actually enjoying it.

I saw some guys eyeing us, and I smirked. I would wrap my arms around the dancing girl in front of me. We would synchronise our movements, as I rested my chin against Velvets shoulder. I sent those guys a knowing look. This girl was mine. And I wasn't going to share. They frowned and muttered something to each other. I suspect it was something about our sexuality in a negative light. I didn't care. I kissed my girls neck and we continued to enjoy the evening.

And then there was the other memory of that night.

Ω

I wasn't even sure where we were. It was some nearby motel. My guess would be that it was designed for people like us. Drunk enough to not be able to control their lust, but sober enough to seek a safe and secluded place to indulge into such.

We started before the door. I pinned her against them and would kiss her neck. Deep down I knew this night would end this way. I didn't plan for it. But I knew that I'd drink. I knew it would lower my defenses. I knew the beast would let loose.

We got inside the room. Velvet had her memory of not locking things properly, and she made sure I locked the door behind us. I was annoyed by her request. It stoped me from immidietly pouncing her. But something in her eyes made me break under her request. Some last ounce of sanity.

But after that... After that I would not retain any control over the beast. I ravaged her. I defiled her. I used her, the fact that she was drunk. We promised to each other that we would do it in the future. On more romantic, or at least with more sane circumstances around it. But I broke my word. I knew exactly what I was doing. I was sober enough. I could stop it. But I didn't.

She was mine, after all. I could do whatever I wanted with her. I controled her. Velvet's heart and body. It belonged to me. I couldn't control my life. But I could control hers. And each sweet sound she made, filled me with more of that dark desire. Of that twisted pleasure.

The beast was out. The beast was hungry. The beast would feast plenty tonight.

 **Authors note:**

 **I'll post the last chapter later today, most likely before bed as I'll probably fiddle with it a bit.**

 **And as we approach the ending. The bottom of her own personal rabbit hole. Will Blake survive once she hits the bottom?**


	8. Chapter 8

It was a warm saturday. And that was an issue. It was hard to explain why I continued to wear my hoodie while everyone else barely made it wearing short sleeved shirts and shorts. Or whatever it is they wore to try and escape the heat. While I could feel my body being sweaty from the hoodie, I didn't really feel that much heat. I felt like I always did. Cold.

Now while I could brush aside Weiss and Ruby, to some degree Yang. The real issue was my so called girlfriend. She was wearing a pink shirt with short sleeves and the same black shorts like under her dress that night. She looked at me as if I just grew an additional head.

"Uh...Blake? Are you...okay? You are aware its blazing hot outside."

"Mmm..." I hoped it would be enough. Deep down I knew it wouldn't. But I was a dreaming fool.

"Soo...how about wearing something lighter?" She offered. I had to do something. Think of some reason.

"But you like my kitty hoodie. I remember you saying it looked good at me." I tried to look hurt. And it had to work as she looked at me surprised by me being hurt over that.

"No, no. Blake, it does. But its so hot I'm sure Atlas folks would start melting if they were here." That would explain the puddle we found this morning in Weiss bed. I should tell Ruby to cancel those "missing" and "have you seen this person" notices.

I decided to go for distraction. I would flop the hood over my head, with its ears sticking out and I moved my hands in front of me to mimick that of a cat. Like in those Mistral animated shows whenever girls that resembled faunus folks wanted to be cute. "Meow~"

Velvet was...shocked at first. But she couldn't help to giggle at that. I had to hit the iron while its hot, and I would lean against her and nuzzle like a cat. It was diminishing. Although mostly due to it being done in a public place. I don't think I minded our little animal puns when we were alone. After all, we both understood how hard it was to live among humans.

"B-Blake, stop it. People will stare!" She wraped her arms around me and pulled me into a hug to stop my silliness. She was distracted, good.

"So, ready for our date Velvet?" I asked as we parted from our hug. She smiled and nodded.

Ω

Dust bless the inventor of air conditioning. While I said I don't mind the heat, I felt so much relief once we entered the movie theatre. It was no longer blazing hot. Velvet must have seen the relief on my face, as she looked at me and simply shook her head. I smiled sheepishly back at her.

"So what movie did you pick? You were mysteriously quiet about it, Blake."

"Remember our first book? They made the second part of that trilogy they were doing out of that book. So I thought that...well true we haven't seen the first one together. But since we shared the book, it would be appropriate to share the movie expirience together." I heard her gasp in surprise.

"Its out already?! I didn't know! Ugh. All these academy stuff really makes me feel so...so out of loop." I would pat her shoulder.

"Its okay, its why I'm here." I grinned and she rolled her eyes, although smiling back at me.

"My hero." We shared a laugh and would buy the tickets. It was quite crowded. Which would be understandable. People trying to escape the hot day outside. Velvet was a bit surprised I didn't even approach the snack bar. Going as far as assuming that I was broke. Yet I explained to her what I already did to both Ruby and my other teammates. To which after a moment of consideration, she agreed with.

The movie was...suprisingly fun. It was different in a lot of spots from the book. But it was a very entertaining movie. It was really a great for people of all ages. Kids would approve of the action and simple comedy. While older people would catch on the more subtle funny bits, and some could even appriciate the forced romance. Oh well. I never said it was perfect.

It was rare when I would genuinely enjoy myself with Velvet. Not because I hated her. I really liked her. But it always pained me that I used her. But there were those short moments where I really had fun with her. Hanging out, reading books together. Now enjoying a movie. We shared laughs and smiles over the course of it. Grunting together at some bullshit scenes as well. And while I let happiness embrace me, I forgot that deep down, the beast would stir in anticipation. Its chains weakening. I was stupid to forget about that.

Ω

We weren't really hungry. Who would be at a day like this. But I promised her some kind of food. So I decided we would visit a small café not far from the movie theatre. Mostly because I was sure they served ice cream there. Something that would be the only thing to consider food on a day like that. And tea. Can't forget about tea.

And sure enough, on a day like this especially, they did offer icecream treats.

I was a bit surprised by how big this place was. On the outside it looked so small. Yet it had an additional room in the back, which was hard to see through the display window. I smiled bitterly. How it reminded me of myself.

"Blake? What...do you think will happen once we graduate? I mean. I'll do it a year faster. But...But you know what I'm asking about, right?" Velvet was concerned, that much was clear from both her question alone, but also from the tone of her voice. I hummed softly as I would slip another spoonful of my dessert into my mouth.

"I'm not sure. Depends if you want to wait for the nerdy younger girl, or move on after academy to find someone more fun, pretty and adventurous to go through life." I smirked. And then let out a muffled yelp as I felt her kicking me lightly under our table.

"Blake." She glared at me. But after a moment her expression softened. "Of course I'll wait for you. But...does that mean you'll also want to...to continue this?"

"Did you assume I would go with our relationship till we would graduate and then ditch you? Gosh didn't know you thought of me to be such a monster." If only you thought of me like that. If only you knew the truth. I felt another kick and she shook her head."

"You're inconvincible." She let out a deep sigh.

I would give her a dumb. "Thank you."

"That was not a compliment Blake! Ugh." But she couldn't keep the facade for too long. Soon she started to laugh, and I joined her. We settled down and smiled looking each other in the eyes.

And then I felt it...

It creeped up my spine.

I gulped. My body froze.

It made me drop my spoon. The content of it would spill over my hoodie. I cursed. Velvet made a surprised sound at that. I sighed and would look from the splat on my outfit up at Velvet.

I could feel the beasts claw. It grabed my heart. It took control. An idea formed in my mind. I wanted to scream. Tell Velvet to escape. To run. To leave me till the beast would be chained once more. But I didn't. After all I have lost control.

"Darn. Velvet, mind helping me with this? Maybe we can salvage it still. Would be a shame for my kitty hoodie to die like this." She merely nodded as I took her hand and would lead her towards the restroom.

It was big, and it had stalls. Good. It was what I needed.

"Blake I think we could get some warm water and- eep!" She squeaked as I pulled her into the last stall. I pushed her against the wall of it. She looked surprised. She looked lost. She didn't understand. And her fear made me feel this twisted satisfaction. She lost control of the situation. She didn't know what was going on, or what was about to happen. She wasn't sure how to react.

The look in her eyes made me shiver in pleasure.

I kissed her. I pushed my lips against her. I ramed my tongue into her mouth. She let a surprised squeak. She was hesitant, but she would kiss me back. I could feel her slowly submitting. My hands would trail all over her body. And for once I thanked that it was so warm outside. As I could feel her body through her tight shirt and shorts.

We parted from our kiss. My lips would now attack her neck. I felt her whisper my name. But that didn't stop me. I wouldn't stop. Not until the beast was satisfied. She had no power over me. She had no power over herself. I was the one wielding the power right now. To control her. She was mine.

I bited and kissed at her neck. Licking at the bite marks. I felt her shiver each time I left one of those. She was trying her hardest to control the volume of her voice. She was well aware of where we were.

I took her hands and would pin them to the wall. I moved back to kissing her. I pushed agressively into her mouth. My tongue wasn't looking for a partner. It was aiming to find a slave.

But the most came when I pushed my knee up. And I would place it between her legs. She tensed, feeling me move like that. And I could feel her try and breath in some air as she felt that knee slowly rub against her most precious spot. I felt her squeak. I felt her squirm. I felt her terror. And I felt great.

I broke the kiss and would look into her eyes. Those teriffied eyes. I couldn't help myself. I smiled.

"B-Blake, p-please. Someone...someone will find out." She whispered. I could hear that lovely fear in her voice.

"You don't trust me, Velvet?" I asked sweetly. I felt her tense at that. I played dirty. But I didn't care. And neither should she. Because she belonged to me. "Trust me Velvet. And just enjoy." I whispered. I would let go of her hands. My own would once again roam her body.

I could feel it again. She did it again. She gave up. She submitted herself. She could push me away. Scream for help. She could do anything. She could stop me.

But she didn't.

I grabed her shorts and would slowly slide them down her thighs. Enough to reveal that delicate flower. I moved to brush my fingers against it. She let out a whimper. What a lovely sound. I wanted more. And I knew exactly what to do to get it.

I worked my fingers slowly. I would enjoy this. I didn't want to rush. She was mine to play with. And the beast was hungry. Hungry for her innocence. Hungry for her purity. And it would feast.

And then someone entered. We heard the door open. We heard it close. We heard someone take one of the stalls. And I could feel Velvets fear once more. She was terrified of being caught like this. And I loved it. I covered her mouth with my other hand. And I hoped that whoever that stranger was, it was not a faunus as I whispered. "Keep quiet."

I didn't stop what I was doing previously. That was the point. And someone being here made it that much easier to make her feel fear. To make her afraid. To make her scared.

As I pressed myself against her, I could feel her heartbeat. Her heart thumped like crazy against her chest. She muffled soft whimpers against my hand. We both waited for that someone to go away. Velvet, because she didn't want to get caught. And Me, because I already had planned another step.

And it would happen. That someone wouldn't even know, or didn't care, that we were there. I released her mouth and smiled at her. "You did good, Velvet. And a good girl deserves a reward." She didn't fully understand what I meant. But by her expression I could tell she knew it wouldn't be anything she would like.

I lowered myself till I crouched before her. I looked at her bare mound. I grinned up at her. I saw her bite her lips. Her red cheeks. But she didn't stop me. She couldn't stop me. Because I was in control. And the beast would feast plenty.

Ω

I stood at the balcony, enjoying the night air. Or rather enjoying the fact it got a bit cooler once the sun got down. My solitude was short lived however, as I heard footsteps approaching me. And I recognized them.

"Yo, Blakey. What you doing all alone here?"

"Trying to figure out why dogs howl at the moon. What about You, Yang?" She moved to stand next to me, taking a glance at the shattered moon, before focusing her gaze at me.

"So how are things with you?" She asked. She was being careful with her question. I could hear that in her tone.

"I'm alright." I simply answered. And I could feel her stare at me still.

"What do you expect me to say, Yang? That I still feel like shit after Ruby and Weiss. That I'm living a fake life to try and escape it. That I'm using Velvet as some kind of replacement?" She glanced over her. My voice was surprisingly calm.

Yang clenched her teeth as she looked at me. I saw her hands close into fists. I know what she wanted to do. I wished she did it. That she would hit me. But she didn't. Instead she leaned over the balcony and looked down.

"You need to talk to them. Blake."

"Why? They are happy. All of them. Why break the illusion? My pain can wait, Yang."

"Bullshit it can. Do you think I didn't notice? Do you think I'm blind or something? Velvets doubts might be silenced by your fake gestures. Ruby can be talked into beliving the most twisted crap you throw at her. Weiss won't inquire because she's afraid you'll think she does so due to her being a Schnee and you being a faunus." She slamed her fist against the railing. "But I ain't a softball you can just bounce like them. Blake. You'll have to tell them."

"Or what" I didn't ask. Or at least it didn't sound like a question. Maybe because I didn't care what would happen if I didn't tell them. Or maybe because I knew already what would happen. This would continue. My pain and suffering. But it was alright. As long as Ruby...As long as Ruby and Velvet were happy.

I saw frustration building inside the blond. She really wanted to do it. To punch me. It was her go to solution. I hoped she would. I deserved it. All the pain in the world. I was a monster. And I deserved punishment for all the sins I commited.

"Or I'll do it myself, Blake" She calmed down. I heard her take a deep breath, and then her footsteps. I was alone once more. But neither the night sky, nor the chill air would provide me any comfort. I let out a sigh and started to follow in Yangs footstep.

I started to walk off the balcony. And just before I wanted to take a turn, I felt someone suddenly grab my arm and twist me around. I couldn't even understand what was happening before I felt a fist hit me in the face. I let out a surprised yelp as I tumbled over the floor. My aura worked, but I still could feel the pain. I looked up, expecting to see Yang.

But it wasn't the blond girl.

Towering over me was Yatsuhashi. His face didn't bear his normal calm expression. He was angry. He was mad. He was furious. And I knew why. He heard me. By accident or on purpose.

"I told you Blake. If you have to hurt her, do it softly. And now I hear that you're playing with her feelings." He said calmly. I wasn't sure what he was about to do. Beat me up? Make me confess to Velvet.

"Blake?! I heard your scream and..." Yang...as if this wasn't a mess already. "What the hell did you do to Blake!" She was furious. She lit up. She was angry. I could see that. Since it was her semblence.

"It has nothing to do with You, Yang. It shouldn't have to do with me as well. Its between Her and Velvet." Yatsu explained calmly to the girl. As if reasoning with her would work. And to my surprise? It did. Her rage...diminished. She looked between him and me. As if judgin the situation. I didn't look at her. I simply looked down at the floor.

And then fate would play its card. The most ugly card it could. It summoned her.

Velvet.

"Yatsu? Coco is looking for you and..." I heard her gasp in surprise. It didn't take long before she jumped between me and the man. Now I'll ruin her friendship. How far will I go before I'm satisfied in destroying her life. Everything became fuzzy. My head started to spin. I saw her suddenly wielding Crocea Mors … but it was made as if out of light. Was she really an angel? Was she trying to redeem my soul.

They argued, I couldn't really hear the words. I just heard voices. I had to run. I had to escape. And I did. Leaving behind my shadow, my body moved towards the balcony. It would be a simple climb down. At worst I'd break my neck when falling.

Ω

I messed up. I knew that. I knew one day it would all caught up to me. I just didn't know that I would lower my defenses so...foolishly. But I deserved it. Some part of me was happy. This would soon end. I would be punished. I would be left alone. I would be alone, like I deserve to be.

I don't know how long did I wander around. Minutes or hours. I didn't feel exhaustion. I no longer felt pain. I started to wonder if I died and I was simply a ghost haunting this place. It would be fitting. Forever tormented. Not allowed to either go to hell or heaven. I had to see if I was still alive.

I moved behind one of the buildings. The same one that only Velvet knew about. At least out of my friends. And I knew that she would now know about all the things I was. Lier, monster and a few other words even I was afraid to say out loud. Even if in my mind. That meant I was safe here. I sat down against the wall and I folded up my sleeve.

I observed my naked forearm. All those small scars on top. I would twist my hand to see the underneath of my forearm. All those veins. This would be a good test to see if I was alive. I took off the pendant and looked at it. It wouldn't be enough. I droped it onto the grass. I reached towards my weapon. Gambol Shroud.

I set it to gun mode. And pressed the blade against my skin. I took a deep breath and the blade would sink in. I could see red. I could feel pain. But it was not enough. I moved the blade up. Slowly. I felt it. As it moved up. It made me happy, because it proved that I was alive. I moved it up till I reached the elbow. At that I stoped. I droped the bloodied weapon and observed the massive gash in my forearm.

I messed up.

I just sat there, observing the sky. I felt the blood slowly sip out of my wound and onto the grass. And with each passing moment I felt weaker. But it made me happy. The more blood leaked out, the less I could feel of that emptiness inside of me. It made me feel happy. And without hurting anyone. But fate didn't want me to enjoy it. It wanted to torment me.

I heard foosteps.

I heard her voice.

"Blake? Are you here? Blake, its late. And we shou-Oh my dust! Blake!" She was terrified when she saw me. I just sat there. I smiled. But as soon as I saw her terrified face, my expression shifted to a frown. I was no longer happy to see her like this. I wanted her to smile.

"Hey Velvet." I greeted her back. She was already at my side. She was taking her blouse off and tearing it off. I know what she was doing. I soon felt her tie something tightly around my elbow. Rest of her ruined clothing piece would be wraped around my wound. She was so sweet. And I felt bad. I ruined her blouse.

"Blake, are you alright? How do you feel? I'll call help. But first tell me how do you feel." She was concerned. And she shouldn't be. She should leave me alone. Let me suffer. But I knew she wouldn't. She was too sweet. An angel. I smiled.

"Velvet...I'm sorry." I simply said. She shook her head and reached for her scroll.

"Yes, I need help! … I found a friend, she's wounded … Nobody is around … I can't move her and I can't leave her alone … Big wound, there's a lot of blood … Alright, I'll listen out, I'll yell … Behind the building, yes … Please come quickly!" She then moved to take my good hand, she squeezed it. "Blake everything will be okay."

"It won't." I simply said and closed my eyes.

"Blake! No, don't. Don't close your eyes. Come on!" She was panicking. She was scared. I didn't want for her to be scared. I found it difficult to open my eyes. But I did. For her. I smiled once more.

"Velvet...I...I wanted to tell you something." I started and she once more shook her head.

"I know Blake. I know. Yang she...told me everything." I nodded.

"But she didn't tell you all." I began. I felt weaker. I wanted to sleep. But not before I could tell her.

"Alright, as long as you're talking Blake. What didn't she tell me." She tried to remain calm. For me. She didn't want to panic. She was so sweet.

"Its...all of this. It made me realize something. Something I should have realized so much sooner." I paused. I had to take a deep breath. I felt light headed. I had to focus. Then I could sleep.

"Yes, Blake. Talk to me. What should you realize." I felt her squeeze my hand.

"And...and no more lies. Velvet. I don't want to lie to you. And I know that...after this I once more will loose that thing I desire. Because...because I can't dream. Whenever I dream, everything fucks up. And I loose any chance of obtaining what I dreamed about..." I could no longer fight off the darkness. It surrounded me. And as my consciousness faded away, I could hear myself say

"Velvet, I love you..."

Ω

 **Authors note**

 **The end. Blake has found her happy ending. She no longer has to feel pain and all that! ...**

 **Yeah not a very good joke. There will be an epilogue that will further shine some light on the outcome.**


	9. Epilogue

"Our official time is up. But before we stop for today, is there anything else thats troubling you? Any issue you want to report." I heard the man ask. And I shook my head.

"No, sir. I think we covered enough today." I paused and took a deep breath. "I know that I'm in no position to say so. And I'm aware it'll take alot of time for me to...to get better. But I wanted to say that I already feel good. Better. So thank you doctor." I would bow to which I heard him chuckle.

"I think that you have someone else to thank. Tell me, did she come with you today as well?"

I bit the inside of my cheek, chewing at it gently before nodding. "Yes, she wants to make sure I won't skip on these."

"Blake, I know its outside of my jurisdiction to say so. But I want you to not doubt her trust in you. She's concerned about those dark emotions that controled you."

I smiled. I knew that. But it was nice to hear it from someone else. "I know, doctor. Thank you." I bowed once more and moved towards the doors, I heard his voice once more.

"Could you ask her to come inside for a moment? If she has time that is. I would like to talk to her for a moment. Privately." I gulped. I merely nodded. I felt fear crawl up my spine. Something bad was going to happen.

I moved out of the room and took a deep breath. I agreed that these sessions do help me. But I still felt a big relief each time I left his office. I looked to the side. Velvet would sit up as she saw me leave. But she didn't yet stand up. She knew I needed a few moments of space. She was so sweet.

I smiled at her to show her it was alright. She sprung up and would hug me. "How was it?"

"Same old stuff. I'll tell you later hm? Also you know that once you got me here you could simply leave back to beacon right? No need to just sit here alone for hour and a half." I saw her frown.

"Blake, I would wait for you for six hours if I had to. So stop this silly talk." Talk...right, I should inform her.

"Right, doctor wanted to talk with you. If you have time that is. I don't know what its about. And he asked me to wait outside." I could see that in her eyes. She was also concerned. It was unusual to do that sort of thing. But she nodded, and would enter the office. I sat down and let out a sigh.

I know it was less then ten minutes, but for me it felt like eternity. All the possibilities rolled through my mind. Was I doing worse? Would they want to put me into a closed institution. Was there no hope for me. Would I have to bear with this sort of thing for my entire life. Will they tell Velvet to ditch me. That us being together worsen my state.

I was about to have a panic attack when I heard the door open. Her saying goodbye. Then she noticed me. Of course, she knew I was there. But the thing she noticed was that panic slowly increasing in my mind. In a split second she was at my side, hugging me. I would cling to her. As if my life would depend on it. In a way it did. I didn't cry. I wasn't sad. I was scared. I could hear her coo at me silently. I relaxed.

I moved away, blushing. It was so embarassing each time it happened. I felt so weak. I was something keeping her down. Being an issue for her. But she hated when I talked like that. I saw her smile. And I couldn't help but smile back.

"I'm sorry." I simply said. And she didn't say anything. She understood.

"You don't need to worry Blake." She said as she raised up, offering her hand to help me stand up. We started to walk, side by side. She held my hand, and I gave it a soft squeeze as I listened to her.

"Doctor wanted to tell me that you're doing good. He told me some...details I should be aware of. Just in case. But all in all? You're being on full road to recovery. He even told me that he might slowly decrease the dosage of your meds." I heard her explain. I didn't care for the details. I was relief to hear that everything was alright.

I was greatful. When in hospital she visited me daily. And we spent that time talking. It was mostly me talking. Or more like confessed to my sins. She simply sat there. Even when I told all those horrible things I thought when we were together. She simply smiled. We didn't really discuss the topic of us being together till I was out of the hospital. And even then it wasn't me that would bring that up. It was her. Its easy to guess how that went.

And the other aspects of my life? Well...

Ω

 _Weiss..._

"Just like that Blake, to the left, one two three, and now to the right, one two three. Now spin. And again." I was focused on her words and the movement of my body. I could sneak along tree tops. I could disappear without anyone noticing and leave a fake shadow clone. Yet here I was, strugglin to dance.

"W-Weiss think we can take a break?" I asked suddenly. For some reason I was exhausted. Or was it normal for two hour sessions of dance practice to exhaust you. She looked a bit cocerned at me, giving me a nod as she let go of me. I know why. She was afraid I was still physically...or mentally affected by what happened. I simply smiled and would reach for the bottle of water, sitting on the ground and letting a deep sigh.

"Blake I know that when you asked me to teach you this, I wouldn't ask why. But its quite hard to contain my curiosity." I smiled. I never meant to keep it a secret. Yet Weiss was having difficulties with grasping the full situation. She thought I was made out of glass at the moment. And I knew she didn't mean anything bad by it. It was quite nice in a way.

"Velvet likes to dance. And I mean this kind of dance. She said she didn't have too much reasons to go to fancy dances and all that. So I thought that if I ever scouted any of those happening I could invite her. I can dance a little. But then I started worrying about it being...well, not enough. And here we are." I explained. Weiss had a thoughtful expression at that. She eyed me for a few seconds before smiling.

"I think thats a lovely reason, Blake. Now break is over. If we are to turn you into a dancer, we shouldn't slack. Now its your time to lead." I let out a groan, but smiled neverless.

Ω

 _Yang..._

"Come on Blakey, you're going soft on me. Put a little claw into it." She grinned and I grunted picking myself from the ground. Was that even a pun. Or was her sense of humor growing worse with each passing day.

"I'm not, Yang. Trust me."

"Oh yeah? I think someone is having too much bunnies on their mind." She continued to tease.

"No, Yang. I'm not." I simply stated. I knew to keep it short with her. If she saw that she got to me, it would only continue.

"Oh yeah? So you say you didn't notice her sitting behind you?" I blinked, she was here? I started to look back, and I felt a fist connect with my jew. I tumbled along the floor. I felt like a fool. Maybe I had too much bunnies on my mind.

"That was cheap." I simply said as I looked up at her. The blond would grin down at me, offering her hand to me.

"Hey Blakey, all is fair in love and war." I shook my head, smiling and would take her hand, getting up on my feet.

"Are you saying you enjoy punching your partners in both of those thing?" I smirked. She wasn't phased. She grinned at me.

"Nah...but I'll let you on a little secret. I think I saw Weiss scroll on some online stores for some whips and riding crops"

"...No, you're messing with me." I was quite surprise. Was Yang making this up, or was Weiss really...be into that sort of things.

"No, really! And I even have a plan how to ...lets say help Weiss. Now I need a partner, any volunteers? Anyone?"

I played my part and would jump in place waving my hand. "Oh, oh, me, pick me!"

We decided to skip rest of the training for that day. We had preparations to make.

Ω

 _Ruby..._

"Ugh the last two movies were so fun. There was adventure and stuff. And it was funny. This was soo...it was like a strategy game! And the dragon was like. Why even include it if you just gonna kill it off like its a fly." I smiled. I heard Ruby rant like this for a good half an hour. True, the last part of the trilogy wasn't as good. It wasn't the worst thing I saw, but it could be better.

"I think they had weird timing issues. First they decided to make it into three movies. A book that could easily be done in two. So they needed to pad it out. And after that, they had issues with the last movie as if they padded it out too much." We continued to exchange our observation about the movie. Suddenly Ruby grew silent. I glanced over at her. She was bothered by something. She looked at the ground as we continued to walk. Her expression thoughtful. And her eyes worried.

"Something on your mind, Ruby?" I inquired. She remained silent for a few more moments.

"Just...why did you want to go with me to see this movie Blake? Why not Velvet?" I saw those silver orbs stare at me. I shrugged.

"Because we're friends, Ruby. I know I messed up. But I know that I could live in the shadow of what is already done. Or I could try and live my life. To try and learn on my mistakes." I explained. She didn't say anything, so I decided to continue.

"So while I don't want to act like nothing happened. I also don't want to constantly re-live that one moment of my life. And I thought it would be great to start and hang out with my friends. To show them that I care. And I truly care. No lies from now on, its what I promised you. Remember?" I did. My hospital confession wasn't just to Velvet. It was to all of them.

She looked at me, trying to judge if she could and should trust me. And then just smiled. And I smiled back at her. We continued our walk back to the air docks. And I smiled all the way back to beacon as I heard her ramble about each and every detail of the movie. Ruby could be so passionate about things. I was thankful to be her friend.

Ω

 _Team CFVY..._

I was heading towards the library. I finished another book, and my boredom required of me to grab another one. I didn't have a lot of these boring moments in my life. But as of late, things got more peaceful, and I enjoyed it. And with that I could catch up with some reading on my own.

"Hey Blakey!" I suddenly heard Coco behind me. The girl would wrap her arms around me and I saw both Yatsu and Fox walk very close to me from each side. I blinked, not sure if I should push them away or greet them. And I didn't even have time to think before I heard all of them speak. I wasn't even sure who was speaking.

"So we saw you wondering around"

"And we thought that you were bored.

"Yeah, why be all alone in a day like this. Also here, hold this." I felt them push a small gift box into my hands. I blinked. Was this for me? I was about to ask, before they suddenly pushed me forward at the next corner. I yelped as I stumbled upon someone. My reflexes kicked in and I would reach to hold that strangers arm to help them from falling to the ground.

"I'm so sorry, but...Velvet?" It indeed was the bunny faunus.

"Oh its you Blake. I'm sorry I wasn't looking where I was going and ..." Her eyes went wide in shock. Was I dreaming again. Because I could use some explenation by now.

"Blake you remembered! Even with all the things that were going on. Oh its so sweet!" She suddenly lunged forward to hug me. I wraped my own arms around her. I looked to the side, there was team CFVY cheering me quietly. Yatsu and Coco would thumb up at me, while Fox held a big picture of a birthday cake...

Birthday. Was it Velvets birthday? I'll admint I never did ask when her birthday was.

We parted from our hug. As we did, I saw her teammates disappear to not be found out by accident.

"What did you get me?" ...what did I get her? And excellent question.

"Its uh...its a surprise, duh!" I said as I offered her the box. I peered curiously, just as she would. She would open it carefuly. Inside was some sort of...device. I wasn't sure. But Velvet seemed to be delighted by it.

"Oh my gosh, Blake. How did you...how did you know. And how did you get that? It was limited edition! I tried to pre order one like a few months back."

I rubed my neck. I still wasn't sure what it was. But it made Velvet happy. And happy Velvet was the biggest reward. "Oh you know. I just heard here or there that you wanted one. And I wanted to make you happy." I explained.

She would hug me once more. "Oh Blake you didn't have to! I can't wait to use it." And neither could I. To finally discover what it was. But as we hugged I couldn't help and smile. But this time for a different reason. I had friends that would make sure I wouldn't mess up.

Ω

 _Velvet..._

I closed the book as I finished reading the last sentence. I took a deep breath and would lean against Velvet. I closed my eyes.

"Someone was quick to close that book." She said in a teasing voice. I groaned in response.

"It was stupid." I simply said.

"Why? It was you who picked it." She giggled. And I had nothing in my defense. I picked a book with a title consisting of an octopus flying in a rocket to the moon. And it turned out to be a weird at best, stupid at worst kind of book. What a surprise.

"Not my first mistake."

"Blake..."

"I'm sorry." I rolled off and would lay on her lap. I formed my hands into paws. "I'm being a bad kitty." I made a big, exaggerated sad expression. She giggled at that and would reach to brush her fingers through my hair. My ears. I closed my eyes. I couldn't help but smile.

"You were. But I'm glad my kitty is aware she made a big mess." She slowly leaned down. Soon our lips would meet. But I wouldn't try to take control of it. I would let her guide the kiss. Soon our tongue would entwine with one another. I let out a soft moan at that. I loved the feeling of her lips.

I remember telling Yang that some stories never reach a happy end. And I thought my own story was an example of that. But in the end, I somehow achived that. But not because I wanted. I gave up on my happiness. I gave out to my inner beast. Yet whatever gods there are, sent an angel to save me. To redeem me.

I was never in control. Not of myself. Not of her. Suprisingly, she was the one controling me. The one who had all the power. But unlike me? Unlike me she wasn't a monster. She was an angel. She was in control...

...and I wouldn't have it any other way.

 **Authors Note:**

 **And here we are. The official end. I wanted to write a bonus chapter after an epilogue, but that bonus chapter kinda sorta turned out to be a plot for separate story.**

 **Now the first idea was to make this into a trilogy, but that kinda would mean to torment Blake more. Which I wasn't sure.**

 **The second idea I will most likely stick to. Since its more fluff oriented. And also would include the chromatic pairing.**

 **But thats neither for here or now. I hope that you, dear reader, enjoyed the story, and its happy conclusion.**


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